Growing up in a whole new way...

So the past couple months I have been looking for a position at a company that I can thrive in. There are plenty of places that I couple just accept a paycheck every two weeks, but I want to be employed at a company where I can make my mark. A place where I can begin to build a reputation in a sales atmosphere. A place where I can feel at home. Ok, so I know that God has a plan, a plan that has me in the place where I need to be. Not only for myself, but to further His kingdom, which is my ultimate goal in everything I do. So here I am waiting, waiting for God to reveal that place for me.

I am also growing in another way. I am growing in relationships that are the most important to me. One of those relationships is the most important, the one I have with my savior. The second is the one with my girlfriend, in the ways I treat, respect and honor her. The greatest part about these two relationships is that they overlap. I found that the better I am with one, the better I am with the other. Isn't that the goal? To have the relationship of your savior be within every relationship? ESPECIALLY with the one you care about most? So I am progressing, patiently, with my girlfriend and we are diving into 2 Timothy together. If you haven't read this book closely I suggest it 100%. A friend in college suggested it, alone or in a relationship, and he couldn't had been more right. I am finding that me and Timothy are not that much different. Both are young and looking to further His kingdom in every chance we get. And as I am reading this with Tayler, I am finding that a lot of what Paul says to Timothy applies to us in many ways. I am very excited, as you can probably read, about this.

I have always tried to grow up too fast. Tried to act older than I was or do things that I definitely was not ready for. It always seem to be harmful to me, whether spiritually or physically, it always hurt me in some way. In this way I have hurt people around me, people who I ahve lost over the years. The ones who have stuck around through my trials and tribulations have seen me transform into someone that just wants to be me. No one else but the person God has molded and continues to mold. I still have struggles that I battle with on a daily basis but all that means to me is that "the enemy" wants to bring me down and still has not been able. Even though at times I have let him into my life, my Savior has always been there for me and fought my battles with me. And, of course, with Him you can not lose. You have the trump card that defeats all eveil, no matter how strong you may think it is. Jesus Christ is always stronger.

Its funny, as I am writing this entry, a Kutless song came up on my iTunes that I have always felt was a direct message from God. The song is called "Vow" and it is the one song I can always go to, and see tat there is such a bigger plan then my life. That I will always vow to try and be the disciple He has called to Him. To be he disciple that will hear the words "well done my good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21) when I stand in front of my Lord and Savior in Heaven.

Right now I do not pray for me, I pray for those reading this that may think that since they have screwed up as a Christian, they have no way back to Him. Listen, there is always a way back. Always a way home. And always a way to His arms that are waiting wide open for you. I have been where you are, and trust me the other way is never a good thing and never satisfying. The only thing that will satisfy your thirst is Him, and Him alone. Trust that His love will redeem and it shall be done. I am praying for you, whoever you are, and know that I always will. Amen.

Sand through an hourglass....

Wow...things seem to change quickly. I have been on a pretty fast roller coaster ride since I last posted something on here. Some of the last two months have been fantastic, and others have been extremely discouraging. I was able to get very close to Christ in my walk and also there were, to my utmost regret, times that I felt far from His embrace. However, I am happy to say that I can feel His spirit beside me.

The last time I wrote I said that I was beginning my journey. Well, yeah God definitely heard that prayer and took little time in showing me that it was going to be a journey that I never expected. Just under a month ago I began to date one of my best friends. A girl that I have literally known her whole life and someone that I am very close to. It was something unexpected on both sides and I can honestly say, something I was unprepared for. She was not just another girl I was getting to know. This was someone I had already trusted, someone I trusted more than anyone. So we moved kinda fast in the beginning. It scared both of us and as the excitement wore off, the fear stayed. Luckily, we were able to discuss and be completely honest with one another. Something that I have always strive for in a relationship but rarely received. After our discussion and since then, things have been honest, great and most importantly God centered.

Me and my girlfriend have started to read 2 Timothy together and this week we focused on chapter 1. I have read this chapter many times while I was single but now being in a relationship, Paul's writings mean an entirely new thing. The words from Paul to Timothy and the encouragement to be faithful hit hard and are very convicting. Makes me wonder where in the past I placed my faith. In myself? Pastors? Family? Relationships? All have and will continue to fail me until my faith is solely in Christ Jesus. Paul writes, "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I am entrusted to Him for that day."

I want you guys to look at your own lives and ask who you are putting your trust in and if it is not Christ...why not? As I continue my journey, I am going to be more open and honest with whoever, if anyone, is reading this. So sit back and hold on. Some of this may make sense and the other stuff...well I guess I am just rambling :-)