Life According to Me

The way words work....

2012-02-08T00:38:00.000-08:00

I am currently in Townsville, Queensland Australia on my YWAM DTS trip (It is basically a 6 month long school and missions trip). Things could not be going better. I am growing, painfully, and becoming a better man. Everything that I could hope for spiritually is happening. However there is something that I notice. I am not immune to this so don't think that I am trying to criticize unfairly or anything. Just a mere observation that has quickly become a reality and that something I think needs to be addressed a whole lot more.

Words hurt. Everyone knows this. I mean we use them as ammunition every single day. Weather its to make fun of a friend, slander an enemy or just as a quick jolt to show command over someone or something. The one that hurts the most is the one that is thought about the least. I expect things from an enemy, things that will slander a reputation or destroy our self esteem. However the one that hurts the most hits a lot closer to home. The one that comes from the people you should be trusted most.

When you trust someone, when you finally open up and let go of all of the insecurities you have and let someone in, its a responsibility of the other person(s) to understand that things change on both sides. Certain things can no longer be said.

One example is when you quickly exclude someone from a conversation/ hangout. When you see all of your friends huddle together and everything inside you just wants to be included, they push you away. This is something that will always hurt. No matter if they show it or not. It hurts and cuts deeper than most people can understand. I have been guilty of excluding people in the past, and this is something I am dramatically trying to change, quickly.

But the person that has been excluded can only feel isolated. By a few words. Like "you can't come" or "you don't belong". Isolation is the repression of the human spirit and soul. No one is made to be isolated. To be kept from human contact, but that is exactly the feeling you get. So you have someone either stand up for themselves or walk away. On one hand, if the person talks back then they look like a jerk. They are repressed even more, maybe a longer period. If the other occurs then isolation occurs for a minute, hour, day, week, month, or even years. You never know where depression could start. Maybe with three little words that you said.

So people, I pray that you think about not only what you say but how you would feel if it was you walking away feeling rejected. Truly ask yourself what you would do?

Stop and Stare

2011-04-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

The above lyrics are from one of my favorite group's, One Republic, single "Stop and Stare" The reason that I am writing about this today is for many reasons but more importantly a few weird coincidences that all happened today. I have heard this song so many times. Having the album, hearing it on the radio and also from some of my friends.

First, I was talking with someone and they shared with me one of the most amazing compliments in one simple saying. First they said that they read a saying on a candy wrapper that made them think of me. I was curious so asked what it was and the saying was "Blessings only come to those who notice". Ok, this saying may mean a thousand different things to a thousand different people. However, to me in that moment, it meant more than the person saying it even knows. This has to be one of the most amazing compliments I have ever heard, period! I don't know why it hit me in that way, but through the course of our conversation, it meant a lot. Then later on I heard the song mentioned above on Pandora Radio while working. As you know, Pandora is completely random so having these two things happen within the same hour, well I saw no coincidence.

I wrote last post about being myself, and when you do, the right people that you WANT in your life will reveal themselves. What I forgot to mention is that when you are yourself and you notice the people in your life that makes it worth it, blessings will definitely enter your life. I believe that this is where a lot of people seem to screw up what can be an amazing thing. In my generation, people do not see what is right in front of them. I have heard countless stories from guys that wish they would have taken that chance and asked this girl out, or taken this job. Don't get me wrong, I believe everything happens for a reason. However, if we never notice that amazing thing in front of us...where will it ever get us? What are we afraid of that keeps ius from following what our heart says may be a good ting.

This goes for all walks of life. Not just romance, or your professional career, etc. I am talking about your faith, your family, and maybe even something as small as the new burger shop that opened up on the corner. I am a big believer in trying everything once. Just once, and if I do not like it then I wont do it again. However, life is way to short for me to go and say "Woulda, coulda, shoulda..." I was also told recently that I need to be assertive. I was a bit shocked at first but the person saying it to me had a very valid point. I have the confidence and inclination to be anything I want to be but from time to time I can see myself as not being the assertive person that I my family knows very well. I need to take what is mine and what I want out of life. If I don't, whats the point? I could just stay inside all day, play the lottery and watch "my stories"...I would probably get the same out of life.

With all this being said, lets recap very quickly. I have come to the conclusion that stopping "to smell the roses" or simply to notice the blessings that are directly in front of you should not be taken for granted. Things happen and people are met for a very specific reason, whether they be a major or minor point in your life. All I can say is to enjoy them while they are there or they may simply not be there one day. Tomorrow is never promised and neither are the blessings that are given to us. So the next time something comes around and you think about hesitating, all I say is to jump in with both feet, take some chances (smart ones, do not be dangerous), and enjoy this life that we have been blessed with. I guarantee, even if it doesn't work out, you will not regret the time you spent exploring and the learning the lessons that came from it.

I came, I saw, I LIVED...

2011-04-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

I recently started to look at things in my life a whole lot differently. The past year has been a struggle, professionally and personally, and it took a dramatic change for me to get back to my usual self. After dealing with the drama that comes with relationships as well as friends that came and went, I found exactly where I wanted to be. I had to start living in the moment and start to enjoy my life. I was so focused on pleasing every other person around me that I wasn't happy myself. This needed to change and in turn so did I. I needed to get over the people that constantly hurt me, put them in my past and move on. There were a few key people that helped do this and I am glad they did. There was no way someone could have gotten through what I did alone.

I have been spending more time out, with my friends and with my brother, meeting new people and doing new things. over the past two years I got comfortable in a routine that was boring and predictable. I really didn't go out and be myself. I felt sorry for myself. Wow, weird seeing it. Yeah I really felt sorry for myself and the way I had been treated by multiple people. Last weekend I was in Las Vegas. It was a blast and everything someone gong to Vegas would expect. However, it proved to be so much more. It was the first time I just tried being myself. Not trying to please the people I was with or trying to impress the girl I was talking to...just being myself. If they didn't like it, tough. They could take off, I just stopped caring what other people thought. And go figure, it turned out people liked that more than when I tired to impress them. Go figure...

So I get back to reality, and I do the exact same thing as I did before. Tried to be the person everyone wanted me to be at work, and the person others wanted me to be at home. All it took was a few kind words over a text message and a phone call for me to realize what needed to change. Its amazing who you meet, where you meet them, for how long and the impact they have on your life. I am not the kind of person that usually meets someone randomly and keeps in contact. But there is something about certain people I come across that I feel it would be such a loss if I lost contact with them. Those kind of people have seen the true me. The people/ friends that haven't seen the true me, they seem to move on in my life. The rest stay.

The rest are my friends. My true friends that no matter what have my back. I wouldn't have these friends unless I was me, the person that wants to live life to its fullest and do not want to worry about what may happen a few years down the road. I want to live in this moment and enjoy what I am doing. I cant live in the past or in the future. I have to be myself and live day to day. Its the only way that I can enjoy the time I have, as tomorrow is never promised. I will always thank God for the people that pass through my life. I will enjoy the time I spend with them and even the conversations I have. But I refuse to let some people simply disappear out of my life. They help make me who I am and the man that I am quickly becoming. I know what I have to offer for that woman that makes my life complete one day. Until that day I will enjoy life and live it as if it was my last.

I love simple sayings such as "Seize The Day" and "I came, I saw, I conquered". They truly show how life it supposed to be enjoyed. In the moment and with the passion of a person that knows exactly what they want. I know what I want and there isn't anyone that can steer me from that goal. Time to enjoy life...

Being content and patient with change....

2010-09-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

This subject has been on my heart for a very long time. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever endured and seems to be at the base of every issue in my life, past and present. I have found that I have been able to be content with change. I have also found to be patient with change. However, one of my biggest struggles in my relationship with Christ is to be content as well as patient. This may seem like an easy task to some, but I bet that when you look at your own life, deep down you struggle with this as well. It is not in our nature to be patient with anything. I mean look around our world. We have fast food, faster internet, technology at our fingertips and the faster something is the better. There is no patience within our world, its mandatory to be quick or you will not survive.

God has promised us everything. Life when we don't deserve it and grace when we never thought possible. He has said that as long as we ask for it, it will be ours. In His time not our own. As long as we are patient we will have everything, we have a Savior. However, this is probably man's major downfall. It started with Adam and Eve, now it is upon us. Eve was impatient with God and decided to take a shortcut, Adam followed when he should have lead. Therefore sin entered the world. Sin enters our lives when we are not patient. We want things done now or we will do it ourselves. Have you ever heard of a person praying for something and then when it doesn't happen they say that there couldn't be a God. Just because it did not happen right then, in their time. I heard one person pray these words. "God, if you are real I want you to give me a job by tomorrow. If that happens then I will believe in you". Um...yeah doesn't work that way buddy. First of all, God will provide you with a job in His time, not yours. Maybe he wants to humble you before you are ready for a job. Or maybe he has a different plan entirely. The thing with faith is that we are not called to know or understand, just to obey. One of the hardest things. Being obedient with the unknown. However, it becomes eaiser when you understand Christ's nature and when you do know that he loves us.

Ok...that was mostly on patience. Now on something that has hindered me recently. Being content with the change that God places on our lives. He makes changes to help us grow, in our faith and our character. He changes my situations to make me a stringer man of faith, I know this but it doesn't make it any easier to accept the changes as they happen. I lost my job over three months ago. It was a great job with a thriving company and I really liked it. However, it seemed God wanted me somehere else. I had no clue that I was going to be laid off and I would have to scramble for a job in retail. This change humbled me as a salesman and as a person. I learned to traust in Him alone and not in one company. Now I have a great opportunity ahead of me in a great company, an opportunity that would not have been possible unless God saw fit for me to vacate my last position.

Now we get to my relationships. One in particular has been on my mind a whole lot. I care about this person very much and would literally do anything for her. However, I was not patient with all the changes happening within our relationship and wanted to speed things up. This not only caused confusion within my relationship with her but also my walk with Christ. As soon as I slowed down, thought about what was going on, I was able to find my foothold as a leader in the relationship. I have also learned, after many trials, to be content with who I am in the relationship and the changes going on in both of our lives. I am the kind of person that always wants to make the best of a situation and to make it better than it is, well "better" according to me. Go figure, things that may seem better to me are not always in line with God's plan :)

Its time to stop talking, and start listening. Its time to be patient in He who gives me strength.

Growing up in a whole new way...

2010-08-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

So the past couple months I have been looking for a position at a company that I can thrive in. There are plenty of places that I couple just accept a paycheck every two weeks, but I want to be employed at a company where I can make my mark. A place where I can begin to build a reputation in a sales atmosphere. A place where I can feel at home. Ok, so I know that God has a plan, a plan that has me in the place where I need to be. Not only for myself, but to further His kingdom, which is my ultimate goal in everything I do. So here I am waiting, waiting for God to reveal that place for me.

I am also growing in another way. I am growing in relationships that are the most important to me. One of those relationships is the most important, the one I have with my savior. The second is the one with my girlfriend, in the ways I treat, respect and honor her. The greatest part about these two relationships is that they overlap. I found that the better I am with one, the better I am with the other. Isn't that the goal? To have the relationship of your savior be within every relationship? ESPECIALLY with the one you care about most? So I am progressing, patiently, with my girlfriend and we are diving into 2 Timothy together. If you haven't read this book closely I suggest it 100%. A friend in college suggested it, alone or in a relationship, and he couldn't had been more right. I am finding that me and Timothy are not that much different. Both are young and looking to further His kingdom in every chance we get. And as I am reading this with Tayler, I am finding that a lot of what Paul says to Timothy applies to us in many ways. I am very excited, as you can probably read, about this.

I have always tried to grow up too fast. Tried to act older than I was or do things that I definitely was not ready for. It always seem to be harmful to me, whether spiritually or physically, it always hurt me in some way. In this way I have hurt people around me, people who I ahve lost over the years. The ones who have stuck around through my trials and tribulations have seen me transform into someone that just wants to be me. No one else but the person God has molded and continues to mold. I still have struggles that I battle with on a daily basis but all that means to me is that "the enemy" wants to bring me down and still has not been able. Even though at times I have let him into my life, my Savior has always been there for me and fought my battles with me. And, of course, with Him you can not lose. You have the trump card that defeats all eveil, no matter how strong you may think it is. Jesus Christ is always stronger.

Its funny, as I am writing this entry, a Kutless song came up on my iTunes that I have always felt was a direct message from God. The song is called "Vow" and it is the one song I can always go to, and see tat there is such a bigger plan then my life. That I will always vow to try and be the disciple He has called to Him. To be he disciple that will hear the words "well done my good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21) when I stand in front of my Lord and Savior in Heaven.

Right now I do not pray for me, I pray for those reading this that may think that since they have screwed up as a Christian, they have no way back to Him. Listen, there is always a way back. Always a way home. And always a way to His arms that are waiting wide open for you. I have been where you are, and trust me the other way is never a good thing and never satisfying. The only thing that will satisfy your thirst is Him, and Him alone. Trust that His love will redeem and it shall be done. I am praying for you, whoever you are, and know that I always will. Amen.

Sand through an hourglass....

2010-08-05T00:28:00.001-07:00

Wow...things seem to change quickly. I have been on a pretty fast roller coaster ride since I last posted something on here. Some of the last two months have been fantastic, and others have been extremely discouraging. I was able to get very close to Christ in my walk and also there were, to my utmost regret, times that I felt far from His embrace. However, I am happy to say that I can feel His spirit beside me.

The last time I wrote I said that I was beginning my journey. Well, yeah God definitely heard that prayer and took little time in showing me that it was going to be a journey that I never expected. Just under a month ago I began to date one of my best friends. A girl that I have literally known her whole life and someone that I am very close to. It was something unexpected on both sides and I can honestly say, something I was unprepared for. She was not just another girl I was getting to know. This was someone I had already trusted, someone I trusted more than anyone. So we moved kinda fast in the beginning. It scared both of us and as the excitement wore off, the fear stayed. Luckily, we were able to discuss and be completely honest with one another. Something that I have always strive for in a relationship but rarely received. After our discussion and since then, things have been honest, great and most importantly God centered.

Me and my girlfriend have started to read 2 Timothy together and this week we focused on chapter 1. I have read this chapter many times while I was single but now being in a relationship, Paul's writings mean an entirely new thing. The words from Paul to Timothy and the encouragement to be faithful hit hard and are very convicting. Makes me wonder where in the past I placed my faith. In myself? Pastors? Family? Relationships? All have and will continue to fail me until my faith is solely in Christ Jesus. Paul writes, "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I am entrusted to Him for that day."

I want you guys to look at your own lives and ask who you are putting your trust in and if it is not Christ...why not? As I continue my journey, I am going to be more open and honest with whoever, if anyone, is reading this. So sit back and hold on. Some of this may make sense and the other stuff...well I guess I am just rambling :-)

Learning The Lessons in Life

2010-03-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

So I have said many times that God gives you the test first and the lesson later. This can not be more true then what I have gone through in my life currently. I look back on the last year, almost exactly a year, and see how much I have actually failed in what God was trying to show me. However, like a phoenix rises from the flame, God is really using all of the trials and failures I have endured to teach me something. Something that is incredibly invaluable and will prepare me for the future. I have no problem saying that I screwed up in my last relationship. I fell in love with having a relationship and not with the person in it or most importantly with how God could bless it. Who knows, maybe if things would have been more maturely dealt with, it would be different. However, I am no longer looking at the would have/ could have aspects of my life. I truly feel that God wants me to press forward, wherever that may be to.

I thought I learned my lesson back in December/ January of this year, but I didn't. I still let my infatuation get a hold of me, let someone get into my head that had no place there, and let my emotions get ahead of me. The lesson that I learned is that God has a plan. I know it seems like you may already know this but think about it for a second. GOD has a plan for ME. Six words that should echo through your head so much that you never forget it. The creator/ savior/ Lord/ master of everything on this Earth or beyond it, is thinking about what is going to happen in my life. That is the most amazing thing that I have ever heard. Almost unbelievable, almost.

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May 17, 2010

So I started this post a while ago and decided to take some time off from it and gain some perspective in my own life before I continued something that my life at the time could benefit. Over the last 6 months or so I have learned a lot about relationships, myself and more importantly...God and his timing. Even though things in my life seemed to crumble and I did not think things were going as I was hoping them to...God had a plan and it was a plan, just as Jeremiah 29:11 says, to "prosper me, not to harm me, and to give me a hope and a future". Whatever goes through my life, makes me stronger as a Christian man. However I also learned that you have to LEARN from the circumstances in your life or you are doomed to repeat the mistakes you have already made.

So as I begin a new journey in my life...not a new chapter a whole new book that is not only Christ centered, but most importantly Christ driven, I reflect upon what has made me the man I am today. The mistakes that I have made and the decisions that have come to pass, good and bad, have molded me to the man I am today. God did not make us infallible beings, which he definitely could have. He could have made Adam perfect in ever way and unable to sin. He CHOSE to give us free will and let that be the factor of eternal life with Him in heaven. We all sin. We are not perfect. Not you or me or even that girl/ guy that you have fallen head over heals for. We all fall short of the glory of God and are undeserving of his grace. BUT, his grace is given and we are as pure once again because of the blood that he shed. I want to caution you though. I have seen TOO many times that strong Christians repent of their sins and then forget about it. Feeling that it is no longer a struggle and they can go on with their loives almost have never doing it in the first place. I do not know the biblical evidence of why this is not the right way to go about repentance, but I do know that if you forget about the guilt and ill feeling of sin....you are more likely to sin in the future.

I want a wife, kids and be able to teach my kids the same Christian values that my dad has taught me. I want them t look at me when they have families of their own and just say "Thank you for being the example that I need". Notice that I did not say GOOD example. Just example. Because sometimes you learn best from someone that did it before you and can show the consequences of the actions without you ever committing the sin. This is a gift that our parents and older, mature friends can show us.

So I start my new journey, a journey that already has an ending and I can not wait to fil the pages with great decisions that are made and the lessons that are taught from the not so great decisions. I am a lucky man to have a Savior that no matter what, has his arms wide open for me to fall into.

Glory be to God. Amen.

Twelve Ordinary Men

2010-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

This question was proposed to me very recently and pretty much every job interview I have ever been in. The answer that I have found myself giving lately has been unorthodox, yet true to myself, others and most importantly to my savior, Christ. When Jesus was walking around, teaching, he called upon twelve ordinary people, sinners, to follow him and represent him in places where he could not be physically. These twelve men were not anyone of any importance, they were mot church leaders or kings of different countries. They were not the smartest, most athletic, best looking. However, they did all have something in common...they were sinners that needed a savior, and they knew it. This is something that I have seen our church lacks. I am talking about the general church of Christ, the one that man has divided and made it more about human suffering, then worshiping to the one that gives us that salvation from that suffering.

Ok so I got kinda off topic. But, what I am saying is that God has called all of us to be disciples to all nations, and yes this includes our own. God represented all types of sinners in the ones he took company with while he was teaching for the last years of his life. He knew the hearts of these men and all he had to say was "Follow me." They did this without hesitation or thinking about it, while weighing the options. When was the last time you said, "Yes. I will follow you." without hesitation. For me, it has been a long time. I always try nd minimize God in my time. Try and figure out how to accomplish His plan and mine at the same time. DO WE NOT GET IT! You can not have two masters. You can not try and accomplish two plans of any sort. There is only one way to go about this, true 100% devotion and sacrifice to Christ. This means giving EVERYTHING to Him. Not just your 10% that you think are required at church. (I am not saying tithing is good....do it...but it is so much more than that)

These 12 ordinary men gave their lives to a man that said "Follow me." Christ gave no pamphlet on what will be accomplished. No permission slip to get signed. No time table when they will be back. These men had to know that they were leaving for the rest of their lives, most likely ending in a very painful death. Yet they did it without hesitation. Why do you ask? They did it because they knew that this man standing in front of them was the one way to heaven, the perfect sacrifice that will one day die for their sins, while being perfect himself. Am I the only one that finds this too amazing to put into words? I never knew how much these men did. Most importantly they did not do it for press coverage, because they will be famous, or so tat they will feel good about themselves. They literally gave their lives up because Christ asked them to. PERIOD. Once again I ask, when was the last time you did this?

I try to wake up each day with out a worry. I try to live my life with minimal stress. I find that there is zero reason to worry. zero reason to stress, especially when we have no control. Someone once asked me why I never cared about anything. Just because I do not stress out about things in my life doesn't mean I do not care. It is actually just the opposite, I care about it so much, I give it to Christ to take care of. Just like everything else in my life. I have proven I am unworthy to take care of my life. We all have and have proven it. It is called sin. That is why we have devoted our life to Christ. So he can make the decisions that we obviously have no place making.

I leave you tonight with one final thought/ challenge. Pick something in your life and just let go. Give it to Christ fully and 100% let go. Just like the twelve ordinary men did so very long ago. Like I have said in past posts, test first and lesson later.

F.E.A.R: Focused on Eternity And Regret

2010-01-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog is something, honestly, I just made up. The scary part is that it didn't take long. I have been living my life in F.E.A.R. Well not the typical fear, such as fear of dying, heights, snakes, commitment, etc. I live in this different type. In which I focus on what is coming up, and what I already regret. This is going to change, something needs to change.

I need the people in my life to know who I really am. Unfortunately the person that knew me best chose not to be in my life at the time being. This I can and am handling. However, other than my family, a lot of people do not know me., I need you to know that I rarely do things on accident. I think throughly through my decisions and if it seems that I am impulsive, its because I have thought about it ahead of time and already made my decision if it ever came up. So stop with patronizing me and talking to me like I do not know how to live my life. I am a man of God, dedicated to only he who sacrificed for me. Also, when i say I rarely do things on accident, I mean everything I write about, say, do, think, believe, even the songs that you are listening to right now on my blog is for a reason. Each has had a considerable impact on my life. Whether it is what the artist is singing about, a memory I have while listening to it, or what I feel when I hear it. They all mean something to me, and if you just took a second and listened, you will know me. I am an artist. I love expressing myself through the music of others and the writing of myself. I talk. People know this. I will never apologize for defending my views, how I come across, and if someone decides the do not like me because of a shallow belief, then fine. Do I really want that kind of negativity in my life.

Its a change. Its a new decade. It is a new me. I am finally on my own. Living it up in Newport Beach, at a job I love. The physical things that people can see and recognize have changed. However, the most important things, such as my faith, character and overall confidence, the things people cannot see, has changed as well. If you have known me for a week or 23 years, I am a new person. Time to start over.

I have been recently inspired by someone to write more about who I am on this blog and what I truly feel about the world around us. The is what the blog is supposed to be, this is why i titled it "Life According to me". I actually feel sorry for those who doubt my ability. Those who think I can't be that person they need or become the man I know I will. It is those people that have lost out, not me. Christ reminds me of this in almost every teaching and parable written. He was doubted more and treated worse than I was. He rose above it in such a way, some of those who doubted him turned to admire him.

I am meeting new people, turning over a new leaf. So whatever you are listening to on my blog right now., Whether it be "Swing Life Away", "I am Not Who I Was", "Strong Tower", "Dancin in the Moonlight", "Fireflies", "Broken", "I'm Yours" or "Everything", they all describe my life in one way or another. That is why they are on this blog. Take note. There is no longer a need to ask if I am alright. I have Christ, how much better can I be.

In Christ

Test first, lesson later

2010-01-27T21:24:00.001-08:00

So I have always been taught by my dad that you will recieve "The test first and the lesson later". This has always been what keeps me thinking straight ahead and walking forward. To know that the hard stuff comes first and then comes the reasons why and how to deal with it. It is an interesting thought. We have always been taught, in school, that we learn a lesson and then tested on that lesson. However this is, I believe, how God works. God has graced us, as his children, with something amazing, free will.

See here is the thing. God EXPECTS us to mess up. This is what makes us human. We are not Christ, who was undoubtedly perfect. We are followers of Him, and although striving to be like Him, we falter. This is the reason why we have been forgiven and the reason why Christ had to suffer and die on the cross. This took me a long time to figure out. After screwing up repeatedly in high school and college, I almost never forgave myself. Never wanted to look at myself in the mirror and was ashamed of who I was, because that is not how I was raised. However, it took much soul searching to learn that it was completely selfish to not forgive myself....let me explain.

Christ died for us, and forgave me of my sins as soon as I repent, which I did. Who am I to know better on who to forgive than Christ? If God, the ruler of everything, sees fit to forgive me, then I find myself being defiant of Him if i do not in turn forgive myself. This brings me to the ultimate point of this blog. I was presented with a test, well multiple tests. I failed them, miserably and with severe consequences, although it could have been much worse. And through all of that, I came out a better man. I came out with the knowledge to teach others about what I have learned so they would not make the same mistakes that I once made. I took this knowledge with me to England, presented it in front of thousands of elementary, Jr. high and high school students. And through this may have even reached some of them. All I can do as a disciple of Christ is plant the seed, God will water it later on.

I am not afraid of dying. This may shock some of you, but it should never be a fear if someone truly finds grace with Christ. If God would like me to die, and if that furthers his kingdom, I am ready. I am ready to do WHATEVER he commands and willing to have whatever the consequences. This is, however, also the problem. It is not always easy to see or hear what God has in store for us. So we wait, patiently, and strive to be that Christ -like figure, even though it is never to be accomplished.

I recently got a tattoo, something I have wanted for a long time and spent a long time making sure what I got was exactly the right thing to get. I ended up getting the christian fish, representing Christ, and having two words in Hebrew below it. The two words say "Lord. Savior." Although these are just two of the many words we call God, these two means the most to me. "Lord" is for me remembering that he is my master. That I gave my life to serving Him in everything I do and I will never forget that. And "Savior" is to remember what he did o the cross at Calgary. He gave his life to save me, and I am forgiven because of that sacrifice. Whatever I do I am already forgiven. There is no better news than this.

So I give you a sort of challenge. Its an easy one and something we can all do. Forgive yourself. There is something in everyones life that we are ashamed, I know this because we are all sinners. So, privately or publicly, forgive yourself. Spend your time with God and find that peace in your life. I guarantee, if you are a follower of Christ, he has already forgiven you.

The most incredible thing that I did, I really didn't do.

2009-09-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

After a pretty intense conversation lately, I have been thinking about a certain issue that had not even crossed my mind. This is something that Christians have been dealing with their entire lives and even the most instrumental Biblical figures (Moses, David, Solomon, etc) diod not fully understand this principle. We are not the ones doing anything amazing in this world, it is the Holy Spitit that guides us. I can talk about amazing things I have done, maybe even leading someone to Christ, saving someones life, or climbing Mt Everest....but in the end...it was not me and I can never take credit for it. Celebrities will often say at award shows and such that they "Thank God" or "Their personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ". This is great to hear but they go on for another five minutes or so talking about other people that had made it possible and how their talent allowed them to be where they are. Ok so basically, God only had a partial influence on "your amazing accomplishment". NO! A true follower of Christ should say that Christ is the only reason that they are where they are today and that God put certain people in my life to give me hand. A person has to understand that THEY DID NOTHING!

I use celebrities as examples for the sole reason that jeveryone has seen or heard it. Basically, this goes for all people. Every Christian is held to this principle and should be held accountable for it. If they are claiming that they are a follower of Christ but they are saying they are accomplishing all these things without giving it all to Christ, THEY NEED TO BE CALLED OUT! God commands that we do this. It needs to be done out of love, not anger, and for God's purpose not your own, but it needs to be done. I only say this because someone I love very much pointed it out to me recently. All it shows is that she actually cares for me, and all I could say is "Thank you".

I mentioned that Biblical figures went through this as well. WHat you ahve to understand is that people in the Bible are great examples of what to do, and most importantly what NOT to do. Moses lead God's p[eople out of slavery in Eqypt and they were wandering in the desert. But to provide for His people, God showed Moses where to get water from. As soon as this was done, Moses declasred "Look at what WE (him and God) have done". We??!?! Really Moses? There is no "we" in the equation. This is why Moses never saw the promise land, because of his slight disobedience towards God. Something we probably do everyday.

David and Solomon forgot this issue over time and there really is not one specific incident that I can think of that pinpoints when it happened. However, David and Solomon were probably God's "golden children". They were his pride and joy and then they disobeyed by thinking theyt wree almost on the same plane as God. We have to udnerstand that our place in His kingdom is to serve and only to serve His purpose. If we can not accept this, we aren't truly saved. Think about it.

So it all boils down to this. I ahve done some pretty cool stuff in my life, and have been blessed by God to accomplish them. Whether is was graduating high school or college. Going on a missions trip to England and make an impact, or even as small as talking with a friend about a hard issue...all of these things I never had a hand in doing. I would not have accomplished them unless God was on my side, guiding me through it. Being a follower of Christ is more then just walking the walk, its also talking the talk. And this means lettign people know that whatever you do and get praised for, that it was not you, but Him, Christ who died for us.

The most influential person in our lives....

2009-06-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

At Refuge last night, Pastor John said something that really got me thinking. He told us who the most influential person in our lives was. I automatically thought of the typical Sunday School answer, Jesus, but I was wrong. His answer was simple yet profound...its us. Each one of us is the most influential person in each of our own lives. We constantly talk ourselves into and out of things, based on the experiences we have gone through. I think about it now, and it makes so much sense. However, before last night, I had no idea I had so much influence over my own life, I just did not think about it.

As humans we tend to justify sin. Whether we think it is right or not, whatever sin we committ, we have an answer of why we did it. (And if you don't, that's a whole other problem) The example that was given was that if you see a jar of money for the collection, you can eaisly justify taking a couplke bucks from it, saying that you give to the church, or they won'ty miss it. I belive that the justification for the sin is as or even more dangerous as the sin itself. If yo are honest with yourself, you can recount a lot of times that this is true in your own life. In mine, it happens to be true a lot. I no longer allow myslef to be talked into teh sins I used to, I constantly fight with my own thoughts about it. And honestly, that is what it takes, a constant, brutual fight against not only sin, but your temptation to it.

In Psalm 42:5 it says that "Why are you downcast, O My Soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." This excerpt from Psalm is a look into the inward battle of teh author. A constant fight with his own sin and talking himself not into sin, but into praising God. Something that probably has been overlooked in most of our lives.

I have said many times to myself and others that accepting Christ is not a one time thing, it is constant, a day to day commitment. We need to stop listening to oursleves and start talking to ourselves. Our mind is corrupt by the world, this is brutally obvious. However, with Christ in our heart, we can constantly battle our minds with the Word that God has blessed us with, His Word, The Bible.

So I give you the same challenge that Pastor John gave us at the Refuge last night. Everytime you fins yourself validating sin to yourself, and trying to talk yourslef into whatever it is, quote a verse that is in direct contardiction to it. If you do not know the verse, look it up. One, it battles fire with fire, and I guarantee that God's flame will always engulf sin. Two, it gets you into teh Word and remebering verses that you can use on a day to day basis.

Do this for a couple days, see how much better you feel about fighting the sin in your own lives. Tell me how it goes, I would love to hear about it!

Acts 20:24 .....I am speechless.

2009-05-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

I am speechless after reading and studying this verse. However I can still type so I would like to get my thoughts down on paper. This may be the most convicting and encouraging verse I have read to date, at least it is to me. I love teh words that are used and the way it is presented. The verse is "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." This is how we should be living. That nothing in this world matters at all, only the task God has laid out before us. We were talking last night abcout how in everything we do, God uses us. In our work, play, whatever, He is using us! I have to constantly remind myself that my life is meaningless. Plain and simple. I do not matter in the overall concept of His kingdom. His plan and overall objective is so much bigger than my plan and who I am, I can not even fathom it! This is what I was reminded of last night.

I have been battling right now about wher God wants me, and am I called to be at the job I am. That is the only thing that was bugging me. I was stressing over, trying top find out reasons why I shoudl or should not be where I am. Then in one quick moment alst night, with one verse, I was at peace. God is going to use me where I am at and if He does not want me here he will direct my path, because my life is in His hands. I need not worry about where God wants me, I am already there. He has already set out the plan, I just have to learn to walk it.

Acts 20:24 has a special meaning in my life right now. I am contemplating a lot of things I want to do, such as making a "Bucket List" on my post below this one. Be sure to understand that the things listed are things I would like to do, my purpose to aide in the advancement of God's kingdom holds precedent above all those things, BY FAR! But still, those would be fun.. :) I am thinking of where I would be in 5 years...married? kids? better job? ministry? I just don't know, and I have been trying to figure out what God wants my life to do. The thing I have to udnerstand is that my life is meaningless when compared to His plan. I have to let go. Let go of ambitions that are selfish, and deeds that do not help. My life is devoted to Christ, 100%.... or is it more like 99%...or 90%?? Or less.

This is no longer a constant struggle for me. As I prayed in chruch last night, I prayed for peace. Peace in relationships, peace that He has control. Peace that I will not strive to be something I am not, and to be someone he calls me to be. And the best part about that is, I am already somone he wants me to be. I am the man he has molded me for the purpose He has laid out, I am a follower of Christ and all that He teaches.

So, I continue my walk with Christ on a new set of expectations....I have none. What an amazing feeling, to not expect anything to happen. Just follow the Lord, our God and let Him guide me through His word.

I do not want you to think I came by this by myself. It seems God has placed someone in my life I can talk to about about these things. She is an amazing woman of God, and I thank her for listening as well as discussing many things that I think about.

I leave you on another verse I used to overlook, but now have a new appreciation for. When Jesus was praying to His Father in Heaven, he said soemthing that directly applies to us. So think about this one and you try to live your life.

"I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do."
John 17:4

The Buket List...continually growing!

2009-05-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

So after talking to Hailey about many things, we have decided that it would be fun to make a sort of bucket list. Just some things that you would like to do before you "kick the bucket". I have many things planned for the summer and may accomplish things on thisd list by September, but I am trying to be ambitious, to do things that will stretch me fartrher than I thought I could. Here it is...and by the way, it is always growing :)

-Sky Dive and do some kind of flip in mid-air
-Go somewhere no one else has ever seen
-Bungee jump from a bridge or helicopter
-Back pack Central America
-Go somewhere for an extended period and dont tell anyone (maybe one person :])
-Tour Italy's wine country
-Visit the "Eagle's Nest" in Germany
-Pray at every concentration camp from WWII
-Read the Sermon on The Mount while on Mount Sinai
-Walk the road Jesus carried the cross on
-Visit every inhabital continent
-Go on the walkabout in the Australian Outback
-Jump on a plane not knowing where I am going
-Eat sushi in Japan
-Learn to fly a plane, then DO IT!
-Sail around the world with a loved one
-Speak at a men's conference
-Share my testimony on 6 continents
-Go on a safari in Africa
-Explore the jungles of Fiji
-Dive from a waterfall
-Swim in every ocean
-Look for the Lochness Monster :)
-Visit the Castle of Ayer in Scotland
-Go to the beaches of Normandy
-Climb Ayers' Rock in Australia
-Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef
-Become a Master Diver
-Tour Europe
-Travel the Middle East
-Get a fortune in China
-See a play in the "Wooden O" Theater
- Read "Romeo and Juliet" in Stratford upon Avon
-Own a vacation home in the woods
-Become a wine connoisseur
-Dance in the rain
-Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow

This is all I can think of now, But I will continually update this post. When I accomplish things I will cross it out and attach a story. Here it goes....my life begins!

Carpet Time: Are we really listening?

2009-05-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

So I was introduced to this concept of "Carpet Time" by a friend via her blog. It is actually a really simple, effective and fun way to relax and get away from the world a little while. Honestly, the best part is that it gives you time to actually listen, listen to what God has to say. "Carpet Time" is an easy thing to accomplish. Just lay down on your floor in a closed off room, turn off all your lights, hook up the I-pod and listen to your favorite worship song. Mine is "Everything" by Lifehouse, becasue of what the words mean to me. Gets you thinking then soon enough, has you listening. This is what brings me to the point I want to make in this post. When was the last time you actually sat and listened to God? I mean really LISTENED to what He had to say.

I struggled with something a little while back, that makes perfect sense to me now. I did not like praying alone because I always felt, well alone while doing it. I did not feel that God was talking back or even listening to what I was saying. However, when I prayed in a group, I could feel His presence there, listening. So for a while I tried to figure out what was going on, and how can I change it. Then during a bible study, it hit me. It was not that God wasd not talking, it was that I was not listening! Everytime I prayed, when I was done, I would jump into bed or go on with my day. Its like hanging up the phone when you finish talking, you do not even give the other person a chance to talk. This is what I was doing, hanging up the phone with God and not giving Him the chance to talk.

This is what "Carpet Time" gives you. It gives you the opportunity to just shut up and listen to what God has planned for you and to answer the questions that we have been asking for. It even says in scripture that if you ask you shall recieve. It can not be more plain that that. He wasnt to give the desires of our hearts, and with that further His kingdom. Could it be true that it is not that God is not speaking, but man is not listening? Yeah, I think this can be 100% true!

I have challeneged myself to start listening more to what God has instore for me. Not only for the answers I want, but also the answers I need. The purpose he has for me will be revealed in prayer and patience (something I have already touched on a couple times). I do nopt know why this subject has been on my heart so much recently. Maybe its because I am taking drastic steps in my life and I need His guiadance. Maybe it's because I finally figured out that this is not my life, when I accepted Christ into my heart, he then took control. I just have to let go of the reigns and give in to His plan for me.

A good friend of mine and his wife recently quit their jobs to pursue a job in South Korea. In the last week or so I have been praying about this a lot, as I am sure they have been. They will be gone a year, away from everything they know (family, friends, etc.) and they will know nothing except this: God is guiding them. They have each other yes, but more importantly they have God guiding them to places they never thought imaginable. They are picking up and being obeident to what God has planned fr them. It is such an amazing sight to see! They are literally going to the other side of the world, with really nothing but knowing teh God will take care of them. I admire them so much for their courage and understanding that this is not their life or, in this case, their marriage. It is His!

So try this out. Just pick a time of the day/night you can be alone for no more than 5-6 minutes. Just the length of the song you choose. Turn off your cell phone and computer, put all your focus on Him. And while you are listening to your favorite worship song, just listen....listen to what God is trying to tell you. Try to do this once a week. I mean what is 6 minutes a week for God? And the best part is that you do not have to go anywhere special, or do anything hard. All you have to do is listen, and then follow. He does not call us to understand, he just calls us to follow. (Re-read Matthew 4:19-20)

All of our lives are changing, but are they changing in God's will or our own. My worst fear is that I would not fulfill the purpose God has for me. But as long as we are obedient to his plan and we listen to Him, this fear no longer has to linger.

Have fun with this one!

God is the Gospel- John Piper

2009-05-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

So last night at Refuge, my Tuesday night bible study, I heard John Piper speak via video from his 2008 sermon at the Resolved Conference. I have read a couple of his books and liked his writings but have never heard him speak and was honestly, quite blown away. He is an older man yet he speaks and writes like he is in his late-20s, with such passsion and conviction. Below are my thoughts, as well as his, on the subjects he talked about. He basically turned my entire view on what the Gospel is and how it is changing my life.

His sermon was turtned towards relating "God is the Gospel" and things that have happened in my life. Whether iot was the glory of God, His love for me, my conversion, how I have heard the gospel preached before, me being the salt and light of the Earth, and of course evangelizing. All these were packed into an hour sermon, and it couldn't have been any better, at least for me. He gan the sermon talking about why we sin, and what the actual reason for sin was. He said a quoote that I will never forget. Actually it was said as he was beiong introduced, taken from one of his books. It said, "Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God". This really got me thinking and kind o opened my mind for what was to come. John Piper got on stage and you could actually see the transformation from when God had taken over the sermona dn used John as a vessel for His message rather then John using God. He made it very clear right away that there is no gospel without God. Whatever else happened in the gospel does not matter without God. Simply put, yet very convicting. How many times have we focused on other things then God while reading the gospels?

The first point that Piper makes in his lesson, is how God is the Gospel relates to the Glory of God. God is most glorifed when we are satisfied with Him. This is teh most important thing to remember. We can do every good deed in the world, and unless we are satisfied with what God is doing in our life, God will not be as glorifed as he could be. Piper also touched on the idea of making Christ look great thoguh death. Something that I think a lot of Christans and non-belivers struggle with. But we have to show the gain we get through death, this will make Christ look amazed and glorified. After the loss of everything, we still proclaim His name to the heavens and are able to go home to our Heavenly Father. It is hard to see the gaion through the loss of a loved one, but honestly, if they are believer, they are gaining the greatest reward of all.

The second point he made was the relationship between God is the Gospel and His love for us. I always knew that God loves us, but what John said had totally changed my thoughts on it. Yes, he loves us, but can see the much bigger picture. In John 11:1-6, it details the story of Lazuraus, who loved Christ and Christ loved him. However, when Jesus found out that Lazuraus was sick and would die, he did nothing. "Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days." (John 11:4-6) He knew that saving Lazuraus is not the true love that he had planned, but letting him die, would let him go home to God, and truly be at peace. This basically answers the question of how do you make God look good through death? Basically, the "loving human" is exhalting God for their enjoyment. That they love the worship and praise that go towards Christ and no one else. It is not abolut him making a lot of us but because of Christ's sacrifice, God being able to enable us to make much of Him forever.

Piper went on to talk about how God is the Gospel relates to our Conversion. I honestly can not say it better or try to explain it better than Piper did on his notes, so for this one I will just write what he wrote. He said, "The highest, best, final, decisive GOOD that makes the Gospel good news is the glory of God in the face of Christ revealed for your everlasting ENJOYMENT." He also added a bible verse to correlate with his thoughts. The verse was 2 Corinthians 4:4-6 and the bets part of that passage is verse six. It says, "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,'made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6) Through our conversion, He ahs given us a "light to shine out the darkness". I do not know about you, but that is pretty amazing to know Christ gave that to me when He took control of my life.

Piper continued to talk about how this all relates to how the gospel is usually preached. what reall y struck me abotu this section is that he did not focus on the forgiveness aspect of accepting Chrisdt, as we usually do. But what the reason for forgiveness from Christ was. He said it was not for escaping Hell or feeling better about your self, but for bringing you home to God. Wthout forgiveness you will not be able to go Home and be with God, so this should be the sole purpose why you should want to be forgiven. This is the only value that forgiveness has. PERIOD!

Next, Piper touched on one of my favorite chapters of the Bible, Matthew 5. This talks about us, as Christians, being the salt of the Earth as well as the light. Being "salty" (as Piper said) means "that we we are so satisfied in our reward in heaven, God, that we joyfully endure PAIN in the service of Jesus." (John Piper) Endure Pain? Yeah I thought the same thing...but honestly when you think about it. This is not our life to be selfish with. Christ is, or should be, ultimately inc opntrol of everything that goes on, including teh painw e endure. Just look at Lot in the Old Testament. He endured more pain and suffering then we could ever imagine, yet he was still praising God's name thorough it all and thanking God for everything. Also, John touched on the subject of the "Prosperity Gospel", basically always going for the financial means rather than the righteous ones. Piper made a good point that the "World" will simply not be impressed by a church that is motivated by worldy things. We have to seperate ourselves from them and show the "world" that we rely on other means of proseperity, we rely on Christ.

The last section he spoke about was God is the Gospel relating to evangelism and missions. I have read a book by Piper called "Let The Nation's Be Glad" for a class in college. It changed my perspective on the mission field and what we are called to do rather than what we want to do. He said in his sermon, like he did in his book, about "find[ing] a way to talk to your friends about God being the gospel in teh thinges that THEY long for and yearn for." (John Piper)

Through this entire sermon, I though about how I was looking at the gospel and how John Piper slowly but surely changed my perspective of it. I hope you enjoyed what Piper had to say as much as I did and look forward to more I get to hear from this extraordinary man of God.

Respect, Women and Dating (Ephesians 5)

2009-05-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog should really be:
"Respect Women WHILE Dating IN THE PURSUIT OF MARRIAGE."

Honestly, this is the biblical principle that has to be upheld. There have been situations in my life that I am extremly adimant on the respect and treatement of women. Abuse sickens me and wheteher I know the person or not, if I see it, I will get involved. This may not be the best way to go about things but I believe that every woman has to be treated with the utmost respect.

Ephesians 5 (along with Matthew 5) became my favorite books in the bible. It describes the way to treat your future wife or the girl your dating. However, from my brother, I have adopted the principle of treating every girl the way you would want someone else to treat your future wife. Would you really want someone taking advantage of your wife? Then why would you do it to someone else's? In Ephesians is explains in verses 22-23 that "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." I am not trying to point out the submitting part, but more the responsibility that God has laid on man. BE A LEADER! You have to lead your wife or girlfriend spiritually and be able to be the one that they come in time of questions or doubts. This is a heavy "burden" to carry, I know, but it is also essential for a long lasting, Christian realationship. And if you do not think that you can handle this "burden", honestly, you should not be in any type of intimate relationship.

I have believed, since high school, that a real realationship can not start until you are eighteen or even older. (Acxtually in sometimes a bit younger) YES there are exceptions, however in most cases, while in high school, we are not spiritually or emotionally mature for an actual relationship that God blesses and is happy with. There are very few high school couples that are doing devotionals together and the guy is doing something else then trying to get to the next base. High school is the time we need to take with just us and God. To get to know Him better before jumping into the world of dating, the bad part is that the "world" encourages underage dating and sex....this is where we need to set ourselves apart.

I am not saying that you need to stay away from the opposite sex completely, nor am I saying that you cannot "like" someone. What I am saying is that there is no way you can truly LOVE the person you are attracted to. It is falling in lust not love. This is where mistakes happen, mistakes that can not be taken back. I am almost 23 years old, and over the last year I have been strengthening my relationship with Christ and making my walk solid. So when I do meet that girl I am to marry, I will be ready. Mistakes happen, but they don't have to happen continously.

This is not even taking in account the fiunancial situations that you put yourselves into. There is no way that you can be financinally stable enough to have a family at age 18. It is incredibly irresponsible to start off a marriage in debt, this is something that needs to be looked at as well.

Ephesians 5:25-33 goes on to say:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(author's emphasis)

These verses basically lay it out so perfectly that it is indisputable. I have highlighted some of my favorite parts about it. We, as husbands, are commanded to love our wives as "Christ loved the church". I take this very seriously and literally, as did Christ. He gave everything for the church so that God's purpose would be fulfilled, his life in particular. As a man, I am needed to not only protect my wife spritually but also physically, even if this means putting my self in danger. "Husbands must love their wife as their own bodies". As we treat ourselves with respect and love, we need to treat our wives/ women we are dating even more. It is my philosophy that when a realtionship becomes extremly serious and you are actively pursuing marriage together, God comes first, then she does, and in a distant third is you....in any case. "The two will become one flesh" is a hard verse to take in. You are no longer two seperate beings in God's eyes but one person actively pursuing Him. My body will no longer be mine but hers and vice versa. Lastly, "...must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." This verse wraps up the entire passsage very well. The man is the leader of the relationship and has to be able to leaqd his girlfriend/ wife spirutally, again this is essential! This is extremly important to remember, not just because God tells us to do it (which he does!) but because it will make your relationship that much stronger and lasting.

In teh beginning of this blog, I wrote at the end of the "new" title ......IN PURSUIT OF MARRIAGE. Honestly this is the only reason tyo be ina realtionship with someone. If you are actively pursuing marriage and are ready for it, by all means find the person you belive God has for you and pray together. If you are too young, or not ready for a relationship biblically, what is the point? Pray on that one for a little while....

Jordan Bryan Ayers: The Journey Begins!

2009-05-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, I woke up at 6am for work as I always do but instead of the hpoiuse still ebing asleep, I had my mom running in saying that my brotehr and sister-in-law are in the hospital, the baby is coming! Something we have prayed and hoped for many years, has finally arrived. God has blessed two of the most special people in my life with a child of their own. So I took off work and headed to the hospital, in anticipation we waited. Until 9:19am on Thursday morning, then my brother JT came in with the good news. They have an incredibly beautiful, healthy 6lb 8oz baby boy. He is standing at a incredible 18.5 inches, he may not be ready for the NBA but he has a few decades to grow for that. I have never seen my brother so excited, overwhelmed, happy with his heart full of joy.

The very next question that was asked was the baby's name. We all had no idea since Jt and Jess (his wife) had kept it a secret. Which I think is an amazing idea. It is something they had given to this child from them, and only them. He named the baby Jordan Bryan Ayers. I loved teh name immediately, not because of the sound but because of the reasons. Jt and Jess picked the name Jordan becasue this is where Jesus started his ministry and so shall they. This is what seperates my brother and his wife apart from so many new parents. Right away, they did not see Jordan as a baby or a new addition to the family. Immediately they thought of Christ and the way He is going to use Jordan to further His kingdom. What an awesome testament to their faith. The middle name Bryan comes from our grandfather who passed away in 1991. He was such an amazing man that, although we had such a short time with, was a big part of our lives. This made Gram cry....extremley emotional moment.

After JT went back to see his wife, my mom, Jess' mom, and myself started calling like mad. Anyone we could think of to tell the amazing news to. My mom couldn't stop crying, but who could blame her. I began to tear up as well. The two people that prayed and trusted God with the formation of their family finally recieved tehir gift. God has truly blessed them! Again, patience in God's plan always comes out better than expected.

A couple hours later we were able to go see the new "Ayers Boy". Right away I can see that he would fit in perfect. He is such a charmer and all the ladies liked him immediately. It was amazing though, right away he new my JT's voice as his fathers and Jess' touch as his mother's. Jordan has been truly blessed by the best parents with a strong desire to serve the Lord. I was so happy to see JT and Jess joyful. I can not say it enough, this baby was a perfect creation!

And now it begins! The journey that this child will make through life, being guided by his parents and his Heavenly Father. I am excited to see the Christian man I know he will become!

Amen!

"Blame it on the..." NOPE! Blame Yourself!

2009-05-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

So as I attended Refuge Bible Study at Compass last night, the subject of the sermon was a very interesting one. Something that teenager/ young adult is pressured with and once the age of twenty-one comes around, freedom is given to drink alcohol.

Drinking has become such a right within our culture that responisbility no longer goes with it. I looked online to see what exactly the "lack of responsibility" contains and found otu something pretty crazy. This is from an article online about drunk driving:

"First, let us acquaint ourselves with some alarming statistics: 250,000 people have died in alcohol-related accidents in the past 10 years; 25,000 people die each year in alcohol related accidents; 500 people are killed weekly and 71 people daily in alcohol-related accidents; one American life is lost every 20 minutes in an alcohol-related car crash; and one out of every two Americans is likely to be involved in an alcohol-related accident in his lifetime. Every year, 708,000 persons are injured, 74,000 of them seriously, in alcohol-related crashes. About 2,000 people receive injuries each day in alcohol-related accidents."

So with all this said, how can alcohol be taken so lightly as it has been today. A friend of mine said that he was talking with a buddy about his birthday and said, "As long as I don't remember it (becasue of consumption of alcohol), its a good party". Agan, what are we teaching our youths that says that this type of behavior makes you more popular and more liked. I have never liked myself while drunk or someone esle while they were intoxicated. Drinking is a downer, if anything you feel worse about yourself.

However, although all of this is important information, it does not come from scripture. I was actually really surpised the way the pastor approached this subject. He started out by saying although his opinon on the subject is that drinking is wrong and leads to terrible things, that is not scriptual. This is something that I have never heard froma pastor dsuring a sermon. He decided to adeliver his sermon from both sides of the argument. Showing us that it is ok to drink, but do not be stupid about it. He also made us all aware of the dangers that drinking leads to. He quoted the parable of Jesus turning water into wine, which everyone that wants to get drunk knows this parable very well. Yes, I believe and have backup on scripture that drinking responsibly and NOT getting drunk is an acceptable thing to do after the age of 21. However there are many dangers here, that are diorectly from scripture.

Proverbs 21:17 says "He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich." This is all but true, seeing friends drop thousands of dollars on a given night, not knowing what bottle they are pourchasing because of intoxication. As well as drinks costing upwards of ten dollars a piece. This is just a basic principle to keep in mind. If you spend a thousand dollars on a weekend in Vegas, getting trashed, how much are you giving to your church when Sunday rolls around. Just something to think about...

The pastor went throughout Proverbs and Isaiah quoting verse after verse about what dangers is involved in partying and drinking excessively. Most of these I will list at the end of this post so you cvan look them up. However there was one that hits close to home and really sent a chill down my spine, because I have been there. It is Proverbs 23:31-32 and it says "Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper." This is so true and shows that even though alcohol tastes good and feels great, it is so harmfuyl in the end. It impairs judgement and how everythign is perceived in your mind. Morals usually go out the door and you find your self in compromising situations that you would not usually find your self. A great example of this is when Lot left Zoar with his two daughters starting in Genesis 19:30. The two daughters wanted to have sex and with no men around, their father would have to do. Lot was a righteous man yet when he was drunk he had no idea what was going on. The daugheters took turns getting their father drunk and sleeping with him. Lot had no idea at the time since he was comepletly wasted. They both became pregnant from this, completely out of God's will. Now had Lot controlled his drinking, he could have known what his daughters were doing and backed off. This is just one of thousands of stories throughout history that this type of thing has happened. Yet in our society we praise people that can down a beer fast, play beer pong well, and can "hold their liquor". What is wrong with thsi picture.

In Ephesians 5:18, it says to not get drunk on wine but fill yourself with the Spirit. I guarantee a better high from the Spirit of God being inside of you then any type of intoxication.

I do not want you to think that I do not know how it feels to be drunk, make mistakes and other things. If you know me at all, you know of my mistakes and how I have learend from them. From my late teens til about eight months back, pretty much every terrible mistake I made was because of drinking too much, or that is how it started. So I know exactly where you are coming from and am open to questions if you have any.

However, with all this said, Jesus Christ has given us grace for it all. In 1 Corinthians 6:10-11 it explains what has happned, the consequences and what the result is. It says, "...nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." So by living in the sin of drinking too much and causing more sin through that, we will not inherit teh Kingdom of God. But, Christ shed his blood for us and washed that all away. We are a new creation and have forgiveness through Christ. I am not saying drink all you want and repent later. Constantly living in sin is showing God that you are not truly repentant. Yes, if you stumble or screw up, God has the utmost love and forgiveness for you. But if you are getting wasted every night and have no remorse for it, God is also fair and vengeful. Grace comes with acceptance and true repentance, make sure you know that.

In Christ's Love

Matthew 4:19-20 "Fishers of Men"

2009-05-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him. (Matthew 4:19-20)

So I have been given the responsibility and privledge to lead a short talk in our Young Life group called High Rollers and I am extremely excited about it. I chose to do it on the verse above for many reasons, and even more were revealed to me as I begin to study it and talk to the Young Life staff member, Emily, about it. This is such an overlooked and important verse to know. It is not so much that Jesus called for these four fisherman to follow him, it is verse 20, where they "at once dropped their nets and followed him". They left behind everything! They left their jobs, homes, family, loved ones....truly gave everything to Christ!

I am not saying they gave everything up for a complete stranger, some of them were even thought of to be followers of John the Baptist. However, even though they have heard Christ speak, and knew what he was all about, they still followed with out hesistation and went by faith. How many of us would truly do this, or how many of us truly have? I am almost certain I would have raised some questions, as I am sure you would as well. How many job interviews have people called to ministry asked what the pay would be, benefits, job security? And then how many have turned those jobs down becasue of the lack their of. These four men were called to ministry, given nothing for it, and they followed without hesistation....and this is before the grace given by the Jesus and the Cross.

So I decided to look at this another way, try and apply it to my life, so maybe teh High Rollers might be given a better idea of what is going on. However, as I did, I noticed that Moses and myself had the same questions while God was trying to use us. When God came to Moses and commanded him to set His people free, Moses gave a bunch of different reasons why he would not be the best pick. That is where Moses got it wrong...God was not searching for teh "best" pick wto lead His people, he was looking for the right one. Someone that God had chosen before birth to lead his people from slavery. This was all put in motion a long time ago. Yet Moses persisted on saying that he was not a great speaker, since he had a spech impetament, and his brother Aaron would be such a better choice. Yes, God used Aaron but spoke through Moses, he was the only one to do the things God commanded.

I have felt this way twice in my life. First on my 21st birthday I left for my small, 3 week mission trip to the United Kingdom, I kept thinking of every reason why I should not be going. The place I was with God was not a good nor strong one and I have minimal knowledge of teh Bible. I couldn't spout verses off the top of my head and I did not read the Bible regularly. However, once I decided to go and finally made it to the first school in the UK that I spoke at, God made it very clear why he had brought me there. I met kids that knew about Christ yet thought He did not care about them. They came from broken homes and many had turned to selling narcotics for a living, even at the age of 16! God used my past mitakes and sins to be able to relate to the teenagers that wouldn't have listened otherwise. There was one kid in paricular, Daniel, who was 17 and addicted to cocaine as well as other drugs and alcohol. I explaine dthe places I have been and the feelings felt. The ways I thought of getting out of those situations by myself and how it always crumbled. It was not until I accepted Christ and followed Him that I was PULLED out, and not by myself. I do not know whether I got through to Daniel, but I do know I got him to strat thinking. I planted the seed, prayed with him, and knew that was my role in his life.

The second time was pretty recently, when I decided to volunteer at High Rollers. I usually joke around about why I decided to come in the first place. "Came for the girls, stayed for God" Although I play it off as a joke, it is pretty close to the truth. I love God and wanted to find a ministry he was "calling" me to. (Refer to my Jeremiah 29:11 post) But no more than six months ago, if you would have told me I would be in this ministry, I would have laughed at you. I was completely uncomfortable for a half hour the first time I visited. But God used that to have me fall in live with such an amzing ministry and amazing Christian friends came with that.

Basically, all that I am trying to get across is that God is going to stretch us and can use us in so many different ways. We may not be the smartes, most popular, best speaker, or even the "best" pick for the job He has for us, but we are not called to understand, we are commanded to follow. If even that means blindly following hios path, we are to do so. God can use all of us in a variety of ways, and this is something I will tell the High Rollers. They have been seen as disabled in the eyes of the world, yet God is using them everyday to witness and spread His word. I have learned so much more of God's amazing grace and love through them in the last three or four months then any other time in my life.

So I leave you on this challenge....pray! Pray for what God has commanded us to do and ask for what He has planned for you. Search for the purpose God has already set up for you. I guarntee an answer will come, and if not at first be patient. We all have amazing gifts that will be used by Him. And to that I say, AMEN!

Fellowship Weekend

2009-05-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

As I was cruising up the mountain on Friday night, I could help but let the stress of the planning melt away. I had recently invited some of my closest friends up to Lake Arrowhead and it just seemed to be more stressful then it should have been. With the last second changes and what was expected, I just did not want to dissapoint. However, as I was driving, I felt that God was going to bless us this weekend, and my selfish desires of showing some great people an amazing weekend might get in the way of that, especially if I was stressing out. So I prayed as I drove and asked for peace and calm. I immediately felt that everything was going accordingly to HIS plan.

The entire purpose of the weekend in Lake Arrowhead was simply to let old expectations of people go away and learn more about the leaders in our ministry. To become closer as a gorup and as become closer with God. On Friday night we all amde it safely up to the cabin and Patrick lead us in an intense worship and prayer session. As we sang songs, I was able to look around the room, and it brought tears to my eyes. Here I had such a diverse group together, worshipping Christ as one body and prayoing for each other as brothers and sisters. We were not only diverse in backgrounds but also in personalities. I fully expected a couple arguments to break out over the weekend, especially having that many people in such a small space. However, it didn't happen.

I learned a lot about the people that I shared the weekend with, and my hope is that they learned a little bit more about me. The fellowship that we shared can not being imitated or faked. We truly became closer as a group through worship, prayer, thanks, and of course fun in between. Whether it was back flips off the dock into sub-50 degree water or playing games as a group at night. We became closer. A friend of mine said something a little while ago that actually described the way I used to handle friends. They said, "I never allowed friends to get too close, this way they were not able to hurt me and I never became too attached". I thought the same way for a long time and never became to close to a group of friends that I could trust. However, as soon as I became involved in Young Life and High Rollers, God opened my eyes and showed me exactly what I had been missing. This is a group that I would never run away from. God calls us to gain fellowship and use this as a tool. Even Christ had his buddies that he trusted and loved. I finally belived I had found a group that I can truly trust and that honestly loves me for who I am. How else are we supposed to survive in a world full that thrives on self indulgences and lives on sin? We definitly can't do it alone and luckily God will place people in our lives that we can go to in times of trouble.

So after this successful weekend, I find myself once agin wodnering how lucky did I get with such an amzing group of friends. Friends I can call on for obscure advice and will get an honest, brutual, biblical answer. One filled with compassion yet conviction. These are the types of people every Christian should be surrounding themselves with.

Before Young Life and HIgh Rollers, I had one friend that I could truly count on. (Besides family) No more than four months later, I have over twenty. Things like this does not happen but through God's grace and compassion. I cherish the time I have and will spend with these individuals and the group as a whole. Praise God for the friends he ahs blessed me with and the love I recieve from them.

"I served the LORD with great humility...." (Acts 20:19)

2009-05-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

"Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life."
(Proverbs 22:4)

Humiltity, what does this actually mean? I know the definition and what the world says it means, but was is the one, honest truth of this word. I bring this subject up for a number of reasons. First of all, it is the most difficult of attributes, in my eyes, that God calls us to obtain. To give up your pride and declare nothing, except to show humiltity. I say "show" because if you declared you are being humble, it defeats the purpose. Second, this was a big deal for God in a lot of the lives of the Bible's principle characters. This is so true for such people as Moses, Abraham, Noah, David, etc. Some of these I will be discussing later. First I would like to tell you where I am coming from in the role of humility, and the stumbles I have taken a long the way.

Basically, I try to live a humble life, yet I struggle with pride everyday. I was reading Proverbs the pother day in church and found it is the basic anti-pride book in the Bible. It condemns the use of pride, and says numerous times that it is the cause of much downfall in the past, present and future. Which is nothing short of truth. Pride is a great struggle in my life, yet is has caused the downturn of civilizations trhoughout History. Most recently, Bill Clinton had struggled with it when he had the very public affair with Ms. Lewinski. He thought that he was so powerful within the confines of his position, he could do anythign then lie about it. He felt it necesssary to drop his pants in the Oval Office, yet other presidents did not even see fit to take off their coat. Another example is Cesar in Rome. Rome was the most powerful civilization for decades and had no reason to slow down. However, in time of emergency, they gave the power to one man and asked him to rule until the crisis was over. The crisis ended, Cesar did not relinquish his power back to democracy, and Rome fell to the Barbarians later in history. Pride does come before the fall.

I just finished studying Exodus in my study with a bunch of guys, and learned about the life of Moses and how God used him as a vessel for His purpose. While Moses lived in Pharohs house, he has all the privledges I the world. Yet he gave them up when he killed an Egyptian that was beating on one of his people, a Jew. Thinking this would excite the Jewish people and cause an uproar for liberation, Moses stayed and sought to be their leader, seeing at what HE did was great. The Jews were non-responsive and teh Pharoh tried to kill him, yet Moses fled. After this Moses spent forty years traveling the desert and being broken down beyond recognition. This is when God used Moses for HIS purpose and not Moses'. It is seen that Moses could have lead the Jews out of slavery while in such a high position in Pharohs house, yet he would have been so proud while doing it. God caused Moses to fall and be broken so he could lift him back up to righteousness and complete God's purpose for him. This shows that sometimes in our most broken times, it is when God will uses us the most. It just so happens that this will be our most humble of times as well.

Abraham was humbnle enough before the Lord that he was going to sacrifice his only son. David was humbled before the Lord after he took Bathsheba into his bed. Salomon was humbled when he gained everything and then the Lord showed him that it could be all taken away. This happens multiple times throughout the Bible and for good reason, the Lord our God vehenmetly detests pride. As should we.

So I have been humbled lately, many times, by God. Whether its taking away things that I care about yet causing me to stray from His path. Our it is taking away great opportunites that are in His plans. I am humbled before the Lord, and will do anything taht He requires.

I really dont know why pride and humiltity are on my hart. Maybe it will help someone out that is struggling, I know it is helping me to think about such things. The verse below struck me with so conviction, that I thought it would fit this post perfectly.

"Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD's anger."
(Zephaniah 2:3)

Amen.

The Bitter Past and the Sweet Future

2009-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

So the last two days I have had the opportunity, no privledge, to be able to get to know an old friend all over again. Even though it has been almost twelve years since we had last seen each other, we are developing a friendship that has surpassed anythign that we had before. The reason I bring this up, is that we begun talking about everything, mainly about our past and how its has shaped us into the people we are today. I have taken this opportuntiy to not only get to know an old friend all over again, but also to take another look at my life, and am able to forgive myelf for things that has happened. I realized that even though I have repenetd time and time again, and Christ has forgiven more what I have done, I still havent forgiven myself.

For some of you reading this, if you heard what I did then you wuld think I was crazy to make such a big deal about it. However, I made a major mistake that I will have to explain to someone I love someday, and this will be my hardest moment. I have purposly left out the mistakes that I have made in the past from this post for the sole fact that I do not want you, as the reader, to dwell on it. Also I would like you to realate this to any mistake that you may have in your past that you have not yet forgiven yourself for. So instead of this only being about me and my self pity. I want you to look at yourself, and see if there may be anything that you haven't let go of.

What I didnt understand for the longest time adn still held onto was the feeling that people judge me by my past. However, the closer I became with Christian friends, the more I saw the love that they poured on me and told me without my past, I wouldnot be shaped into the man of God I am today. So although I have many mistakes that I made adn for various reasons, I am cleaned by the blood of Christ of all transgressions. Which I must say, is a pretty amazing feeling. "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." (Matthew 26:28)

Below is a video of a song many of you probably of heard. As soon as I heard this song by Brandon Heath, I was immediately touched. By his lyrics and the apssion you can tell as he sings. So don't forget to turn down the music player on the right hand side, and listen carefully to Brandon's prayer through song.

So with all that said, I have forgiven myself for everythign I have done, and praise God for letting me survive the things that seem to help make up my character. This is not an excuse to go on and live a life full of sin. We are called to live as Christ did and are unworthy of his grace, yet still have it. "For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live," (Romans 8:13) All I am saying is that you need to move on with your life, Christ has forgiven you and you must forgive yourself as well. I just think its funny that it took a person I haven't seen for more than a decade, and got more information in a 36 hour period than anyone ever has, to show me this, and it is becasue of this that I thank them.

""Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." (Acts 13:38)

Lord, Give Me A Revelation!

2009-04-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting in church last night, thinking about where God wants to lead me, I thought about what I have been doing the past 22 years. Everything I had wanted to do was becasue of my desire to accomplish it. The only thng that I can say was not this case was joing High Rollers, but even then, at first, I had some selfish ideas about it. I started to think about the trip to Michigan that I wanted to take so badly. To see my friends that were such a big part of my life and I haven't seen for almost 12 years. But most imporatntly, I wanted to get away. Get away from responsibility, from issues that I had created, just basically run away.

Then I started to think if God had a bigger plan in mind for me this summer. I asked myself about how He going to use me, and not how I was going to use Him! First time I had done that. It wa sthen that it hoit me. I was sitting in Rock Harbor worshipping a God that I was afraid to worship compeletly. I have my ministries yes, but have not completely given EVERYTHING to Christ so He can use me as he would like to. I made a decision there as I prayed. There is a camp for the High Rollers ministry this summer. It is a full week of hanging out with the kids, and honestly I was afraid. Afraid of spending a week with a group that although I love dearly, was so different then anything I have experienced. But you know what? I haver a feeling that is where God needs me, and after cancelling my trip to Michigan, I gave my 100% devotion to it. Not an easy decision and I was shaking with excitement, fear, and nervousness as I told the Young Life Staff members that I would go. But I feel completely at peace with going, and I know it is for the glory of God and not for my selfish reasons.

Another part of that night was accepting that I can be myself around everyone adn not have to worry about what they may or may not think of me. A friend of mine saiud today at lunch that, "You need to be Cory, just VCory, and God will bless you becasue of it". Although such a simple statement, he is competetly right. I am always myself but am always worried adn paranoide what others may say about me. The thing t remeber is that it does not matter what anyone on this Earth says about me, NO ONE! All that matters is that I am truly seeking God with my whole heart and that life is devoted to Him. All that matters is when I finally meet my Heavenly Father, he ill say "Well done, good and faithful servant..." (Matthew 25:21) This is the only opinion that matters, and remembering that is the key to survival in such a sinful world.

So here I sit, at my desk, opening my life for God to use me. In any way that He sees fit, and I am completely willing to do ANYTHING that he is calling me to do. God, give me a revlation, show me what to do. I am beside myself, and haven't got a clue.

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." (Exodus 9:16)

Amen

Lifehouse describes Everything...

2009-04-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

A lot of questions I have been coming up with during my writings have been giving up control, and having patience, and following God. However, it took me a long time to figure out why giving all these things to God, and who was He exactly. When I was searching for a lot of things in England, on my mission trip, I found exactly who He is through a Lifehouse song and a sketch that was on YouTube. Basically to sum it up, He is EVERYTHING! Lifehouse has become one of my favorite Christian bands and for many reasons. It is almost like they speak directly towards me with the lyrics they sing. It is great to be able to feel that way, feel that I am not alone in this crazy world and for the longest time I felt that way. Like no one would understand what I have been through. Below is the video of the sketch at a conference called Winterfest in Knoxville, TN, and it has honestly touched my heart every time I watch it. It shows me where I was and how far I have come on my walk with Christ.

After watching that clip many times over the past coupe years, it still gives me chills. Its hows the sin that we go through yet Jesus is still there. It show that we deny him again and again as we drink excessively, do drugs, even contemplate suicide, yet He is still there. This is a perfect example of grace. The part that gets me most is when we are ready to come back to Christ. When we feel nothing without Him and now that he is our Everything! However this no easy task as any born again believer will tell you. It is a struggle against sin and temptation, and an uphill battle all the way. However as we battle sin we become cleansed. In the clip you can see that the girls black shirt becomes white representing her purity through Christ and the grace given to her. But still at the end when we finally are so close to Christ, sin still does not let us go and we are still haunted by our past mistakes while being tempted all the time. It is not until we call on Christ to take it away and when he steps in front and conquers our sin through his death. He battles it for us and as long as we ask, we will be forgiven and He will never let anything tempt us that we can't handle. The image of Christ stepping in front of the sin tempting us is so powerful and clenches my heart. It fills me up with so much with joy and conviction, I am completely in awe of His sacrifice. What an amazing thing grace really is, and the pure heart I receive through my Savior's death and resurrection.

Patience....

2009-04-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
(Colossians 3:12)

This is something that I had been struggling with most of my life. Patience on myself, others and most importantly, in God. Recently I have given over control of my life completely to Christ. It hit me one day that this is not my life, I do not deserve it nor do I deserve the grace that I received back when I was 17. Christ, the only perfect person to walk this earth, was given as a sacrifice for ME and everyone else. Regardless of what you have done in the past, present or future, Christ has already paid for it in full! Now I think about this and ask myself why haven’t I given everything to the one that saved me from damnation, which is truly where I deserve to go. Back in the older times, if you saved a man's life, he is your servant forever. The same, I believe, is with Christ. I am his servant for my entire life and I have to be patient so I will be ready to do what He commands of me.

Now, this was a very hard thing for me to do. I always loved being in control of my "destiny" or "fate". Then when things went wrong I knew exactly who to blame, myself. I was not going to blame God for bad things happening, but if I thought I had control, then it was definitely my fault. What I did not understand is maybe things were going wrong because I was trying to do things against God's will, since I truly haven't given up control of my life, well not to the extent that I needed to, which is completely! I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11 for so many reasons and this may the biggest one. God tells us that he has known the plan for us all along, even before we were born and we just have to let him in so he can take control.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
(Jeremiah 29:11)

Although simple in text, it says so much in my life. I know I have used it before in another post which basically talks about the same thing as this one, patience in him. Yet another thing I struggled with is trying to figure out what God was doing in my life. Trying to understand where and why he was leading me. Then for my college graduation I received a desk item from my parents. Its glass plaque that has Proverbs 3:5-6 written on it. This verse, along with Jeremiah, allowed me to give up even my understanding of what God was trying to do, because honestly we probably will never understand Him. He calls us to follow, blindly if necessary, and not to understand. If you have heard Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith", it explains it better than I have ever heard before.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

The second part of that really hits me. "...In all your ways acknowledge Him..." This is where I have been lacking. I have been trying to take credit for things that are amazing happening in my life, but what I did not understand is that God was the one that made things happen, not me in the slightest.

So I have praying and meditating on these two verses for some time now and really trying to apply them to my life. In EVERY part of my life. No matter how small or how big, I acknowledge God and praise him for what he continues to do in me. With all these things on my mind, worrying about them and stressing about them. I have finally let go, and understand that there is nothing I can do to make it any more pleasing to God except to give up control. I am his servant and nothing else. I am just a man that strives to be in His image, while living in a sinful world.

So I pray that God gives me the wisdom and patience that I need to serve Him better, and that I do not strive for things He does not want me to have. My life is in God's control and honestly, I would have it no other way.

Amen

Oprah's New Church

2009-04-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

I never really enjoyed watching Oprah's show, with no big reason, just that it was not for me. If you watch it great, I think it is an inspirational show followed by millions of people. However, as a Christian, I believe it is important to let people know what exactly she is teaching off the air. She may be a great person, giving millions if not billions of money to a variety of charities. However, Christ tells us in the Parable of The Widows Offering (Mark 12:41-44) that it does not mean the amount of what you give in any way. But in the matter you give and the faith you have while giving. So I ask you who has put more into the world in Christ's eyes (which is the only one that matters), Oprah who gives hundreds of millions, or a college student who gives his church the last twenty dollars he has?

So besides the fact that she gives a lot of money, she also is inspirational. Which is great! She is a Follower if Christ right? This is what I found out a couple years ago. I fund that she has adapted her own "belief system" and has been deceiving and confusing believers, over two million at last count. Please take the time to watch the video below so that you can be educated enough to find the difference between a follower of Christ and a person that believes what they find convenient. The video is below.

Oprah states in the video that Jesus is NOT the only way and that there are "millions of ways to get to what you call God". This is completely false based on the teachings of Christ. She also talks about, in another interview with Larry King, that she feels she has control over life and she has caused things to happen, such as gaining a movie role in The Color Purple.

The thing I think bothers me most is that she said that she stated to turn from God when she heard that God "is a jealous God". This statement from the minister is very true. It states that in the Bible clearly. However, Oprah takes it as God is jealous of us, like he wants what we have. God is jealous in the fact that He wants all of us to himself. Just as the first commandment says, "Thou shall have no other gods before me". This is the jealousy that is spoken. The twisting of scripture, just as Joseph Smith did almost 200 years ago with teh Church of Latter Day Saints, is causing believers to be manipulated and are falling far from Christ. This is what scares me.

Ten Years Ago Today...

2009-04-20T08:11:00.001-07:00

A lot of you may have forgotten, weren't old enough to remember or maybe just did not really care all too much, but today is the ten year anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings in Jefferson County, Colorado. I do not really know why this has not been a bigger story in the news, maybe it might not be relevant any more, yet I remember that not too long ago on April 16th, 2007, there was another massacre of 32 people on the Virginia Tech University campus. I believe that this subject is not relevant enough. I can’t still remember at age 12, sitting in my classroom at RSM Intermediate School, hearing about the undeserved deaths of 12 innocent people. Although this was just one incident, it sparked conversation about a multitude of different aspects that may or may not fueled the rage that these two students expressed.

I became familiar with the situation after doing research for a play that I was in during high school called "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". A play written for the purpose of exposing the side of evil that had been ignored before the Columbine shootings. A play that I later directed on my college campus, coincidently on the week of the Virginia Tech shootings. I became very involved into the subject and learned more then I have ever cared to, but I am glad that I did.

I had found multiple videos on YouTube (its amazing what you can find on there) as well as watching the movie "Bowling For Columbine" directed by Michael Moore. Everyone seems to have their own opinion on what happened, why and how to fix it. And although this may surprise you, I have no idea and no opinion to any of those questions. All I have is the facts that still make very little sense to me.

Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris (the shooters) were both athletic, intelligent and came from good homes. They had loving parents and siblings, yet there was something missing. What was missing seems like the question that needs to be addressed. Ever since this shooting occurred, everyone has been trying to put the blame on something. Whether that blame is deserved or not, a scapegoat needs to be found so we can "move on". Items that were brought up are violent video games (Doom and Wolfenstein 3D), Marilyn Manson, Goth culture and music, movies such as Natural Born Killers and The Basketball Diaries, even going as far as suing these people and companies that have created these forms of entertainment. However, my question is that I have played, listened to and watched many of these "scapegoats". Does this mean I would have shot 11 of my classmates and 1 teacher? I think not. Another reason this may have happened is the way that Klebold and Harris were both not accepted into certain cliques while in high school. (Which in my opinion, cliques are the biggest problem that we have in our school systems today.) Yes, they were bullied and verbally abused throughout high school, but again I ask does this mean that every bullied kid in high school is going to shoot their classmates?

It all boils down to a certain point that a teacher made to me in high school as I was researching my role in "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". He said "Everyone has the ability to kill. Especially in males, it is human nature to take things to the extreme and lash out uncontrollably. Yet it is how you deal with certain aspects of your life that will determine how you lash out. Obviously, these two students (Klebold and Harris) needed to make a statement and even declared that they 'wanted to make history'. Mission accomplished, wouldn't you say?"

I thought this statement to be very interesting in the way that I believe that under certain circumstances, everyone DOES have the ability to kill, but usually won't. Human nature drives us to either protect our territory, our families, or ourselves. I am not making an excuse or argument for these students in any way, what they did was inexcusable. I just want to make that clear.

Ever since the first sin with Adam and Eve, and then the first murder with Cain and Able, things have spun out of control. Sin has taken over our world and caused innocent deaths since basic creation. Obviously, the shooters were not believers in Christ and sought a new way to live. It is believed that one shooter asked a victim named Rachel Scott if she was a Christian, after getting the response "yes", her life was taken. Over the last ten years I have been asking myself if I would say the same, today I can honestly say that I would. Rachel's father was asked to speak to congress about the shootings during the investigations. He went on to say that after the shooting, our government saw it fit to slowly but surely reduce the role that God has in our classrooms. He rarely mentioned the actual shooters in his statement yet told the members of congress that because of a "ban" of God in our schools; it is causing evil to maneuver its way through the educational hallways of our schools. It was interesting to see a man that had lost his child to a senseless act of violence, call out our "leaders" and tell them that because of the laws they have made to "kick out" God from our schools, have partial blame in the school shootings around our country.

Ten years ago, the worst public premeditated school shooting in the history of our country took place and it seemed to be forgotten by everyone.

My Blog- Welcome!

2009-04-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

So I have always wanted to write a blog for one reason or another, maybe just to get things off my chest and offer my opinions and thoughts to people who would like it. This includes ideas about my walk with Christ, movie reviews (Good Idea Luke!) and of course things I might be going through.

If you have known me for even a little bit, you already know I am a very open person. Willing to expose my past or present struggles to people that it may be able to benefit. This blog i just that, a way I can show you what I am going through and how I am handling the best way I can with help from my savior, Lord and best friend, Jesus Christ.

I have already posted two blogs today that I had written already. They were on my Facebook but now I think it would be better if they were on here so people that I care so much about will read what has happened to me in the recent past.

Thank you for reading what I have to say and I welcome ay questions, comments or advice that you may have to share.

In Christ,

Cory Michael Ayers

Jeremiah 29:11

2009-04-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

Written Monday, March 9th, 2009

Nick told me to write down things if I feel more comfortable with it....this is my prayer.

There has been a phrase that has been thrown around for a couple months now by both Christians and non-believers. I have heard people talk about their "calling" and what they want to do with it. I have always wondered what the word actually meant and what I should be looking for. I have looked it up in dictionaries and still haven’t found the answer that I need. Last night it kept me up for a while, and thought that putting it down on paper and gaining some insight from some other people I love, trust and respect may give me the correct direction to go on. Let me go back a bit. A couple of weeks ago I decided to leave a youth ministry I was a part of for a little while and pursue something I felt very strongly about. I told the youth pastor, who is also a strong friend, and he wished me the best and said he would continue to pray for me. I spent the night not at my usual youth group but at a place where I found more love in one room then I have ever seen before.

High Rollers is a special ministry that is not easily ignored. I found myself doing something that, although I have been told differently, I do not normally do, jumping with both feet without testing the waters. I had the time of my life that night and could not wait until the next week where I could relive it all again. The next day I received a couple of messages from my old youth group saying they missed me and wished me luck. One kid said something that kind of struck me differently; he said "I am glad you found your calling". My calling? Is that what I have found? Jeremiah 29:11 has always been my favorite verse for a couple of reasons. One, it reminds me I can not do anything alone. And two, I have to let go of my life and let God take over. I believe this is one of those times. At High Rollers I find myself in an uncomfortable yet extremely loved situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The more I go the more comfortable I become. I found myself surrounded by leaders that do not ask questions, but will be there for anyone that needs them. Christians I am beginning to trust more than friends I have known for a lifetime.

These types of friendships are not easily found and rarely found in one place. (For that I thank all of you) I also found myself surrounded by the most loving people, with nothing but joy to show. The High Roller students are amazing and I look forward to each time I get to see them. They have taught me so much. This past weekend I was able to attend a retreat for the Young Life Leaders. A weekend that has changed my perspective of pretty much everything. Nick has shown me that you can take you uncomfortable feeling and turn it into energy when you should have none. He showed me that it was ok to be frustrated, but to remember that whenever you "turn" a child in his bed, you are God as well. I look forward to the sleepless nights. :) I come to the realization that I have had multiple opportunities to hang out with students with disabilities. Whether it was a family friend I have known my entire life or volunteering at a special education class. Each time I have always found a way to schedule something instead and get out of it. I let my uncomfortable feelings get the better of me.

It was not until I visited Health Bridge Children's Hospital and met an unforgettable sixteen year old named Wyatt. His strength and courage dwarfed mine in every way and although he was mostly paralyzed, he beat me in every video game he had. After that visit I decided to volunteer at High Rollers, and have been blessed with so many things since. The people I have tagged in this note, and some I haven’t because we are not Facebook friends yet, I have the up most respect and love. When sometimes it doesn’t seem like I do, I am truly sorry. Your unselfishness and willingness to sacrifice in order for His kingdom to advance, is unparalleled. My admiration for what you do, not only on Wednesdays, but every day of the week can not be explained in words and this past weekend did nothing but confirm that. I look forward to the days I get to know my fellow leaders more.

So I am at the end of this note, for the third time, and it still doesn’t seem like I have said enough. But the question remains is there such a thing as enough said for the work God is doing in your life. Wednesday nights are truly the best part of my week and even though its for an hour and a half, I always leave wanting more. I am not 100% sure of where I wanted to go with this note and the response I am looking for. I couldn’t sleep last night wondering about it and I decided to write it down, on Nick Palermo's advice. So here it is, my prayer for what God has in store for my life and my patience on accepting it. Amen

The Long Walk Back....

2009-04-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

Written Sunday, October 7th, 2007

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and the direction it is headed. Is this what I actually want for my life? I had a change in my life that I can’t talk about to my family, brothers or even my best friend. The reason is that I don’t think they will even understand. The trip I took to England was undeserved but very much needed. There are only nine people in this world that can actually understand what I am going through, this is because they were there. Every one else I feel is just nodding along to be good “friends” or “Christians”. I find little satisfaction in where my life is headed, the mistakes I have made in the past are beginning to catch up with me and I am too weak to resist them alone.

I do have three friends that have been next to me from the beginning of my path with Christ, my true walk. Two of those are my brothers and even though they may be critical at times, they are my best friends and I wouldn’t be around today without them. They have turned from brother, to friend, to confidant. Then there is my friend Luke. He ahs many reasons to turn his back on me or say certain things that, although will be justified, are hurtful. With all this in mind, he stays as my friend, and I truly owe my life to him, I don’t think he actually understands the impact he has made on my lie with his guidance, words, and example. Its true I have other “friends” that I find myself hanging out with, but in the back of my mind, I feel how many will stay my friends after they meet my true self and they know my little secrets that I keep hidden. At this point in my life I am actually afraid to go to church. Each Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday in the morning I am looking forward to going to church. However, I always seem to find some excuse to miss it. I want, no I need to go to find my faith and to hear God calling me back to him. I am lost and need that light to guide me on my path. Honestly, I fear it is too late, and that I have screwed up too much to be able to find my way back.

England changed my life. I don’t expect most of you to understand this statement but I know nine of you that stood next to me in my hardest time do understand it. This I thank you, for although not knowing me, for caring for me and believing I me above all else. A young man in England asked me, “What has God done in your life to make you believe in him and why hasn’t he done that for me”. My heart was broken for this young man and after praying with him I just hoped that I said the right things.

Basically, I am lost and trying to find my way back. All that I ask is prayer, nothing big but just something, because I am too weak to do this on my own. I need God and the problem is that I no longer know where to look. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I hope this future is true and that He does have a plan for me, this is a time in my life that I am afraid of where I might end up…