F.E.A.R: Focused on Eternity And Regret

The title of this blog is something, honestly, I just made up. The scary part is that it didn't take long. I have been living my life in F.E.A.R. Well not the typical fear, such as fear of dying, heights, snakes, commitment, etc. I live in this different type. In which I focus on what is coming up, and what I already regret. This is going to change, something needs to change.

I need the people in my life to know who I really am. Unfortunately the person that knew me best chose not to be in my life at the time being. This I can and am handling. However, other than my family, a lot of people do not know me., I need you to know that I rarely do things on accident. I think throughly through my decisions and if it seems that I am impulsive, its because I have thought about it ahead of time and already made my decision if it ever came up. So stop with patronizing me and talking to me like I do not know how to live my life. I am a man of God, dedicated to only he who sacrificed for me. Also, when i say I rarely do things on accident, I mean everything I write about, say, do, think, believe, even the songs that you are listening to right now on my blog is for a reason. Each has had a considerable impact on my life. Whether it is what the artist is singing about, a memory I have while listening to it, or what I feel when I hear it. They all mean something to me, and if you just took a second and listened, you will know me. I am an artist. I love expressing myself through the music of others and the writing of myself. I talk. People know this. I will never apologize for defending my views, how I come across, and if someone decides the do not like me because of a shallow belief, then fine. Do I really want that kind of negativity in my life.

Its a change. Its a new decade. It is a new me. I am finally on my own. Living it up in Newport Beach, at a job I love. The physical things that people can see and recognize have changed. However, the most important things, such as my faith, character and overall confidence, the things people cannot see, has changed as well. If you have known me for a week or 23 years, I am a new person. Time to start over.

I have been recently inspired by someone to write more about who I am on this blog and what I truly feel about the world around us. The is what the blog is supposed to be, this is why i titled it "Life According to me". I actually feel sorry for those who doubt my ability. Those who think I can't be that person they need or become the man I know I will. It is those people that have lost out, not me. Christ reminds me of this in almost every teaching and parable written. He was doubted more and treated worse than I was. He rose above it in such a way, some of those who doubted him turned to admire him.

I am meeting new people, turning over a new leaf. So whatever you are listening to on my blog right now., Whether it be "Swing Life Away", "I am Not Who I Was", "Strong Tower", "Dancin in the Moonlight", "Fireflies", "Broken", "I'm Yours" or "Everything", they all describe my life in one way or another. That is why they are on this blog. Take note. There is no longer a need to ask if I am alright. I have Christ, how much better can I be.

In Christ

Test first, lesson later

So I have always been taught by my dad that you will recieve "The test first and the lesson later". This has always been what keeps me thinking straight ahead and walking forward. To know that the hard stuff comes first and then comes the reasons why and how to deal with it. It is an interesting thought. We have always been taught, in school, that we learn a lesson and then tested on that lesson. However this is, I believe, how God works. God has graced us, as his children, with something amazing, free will.

See here is the thing. God EXPECTS us to mess up. This is what makes us human. We are not Christ, who was undoubtedly perfect. We are followers of Him, and although striving to be like Him, we falter. This is the reason why we have been forgiven and the reason why Christ had to suffer and die on the cross. This took me a long time to figure out. After screwing up repeatedly in high school and college, I almost never forgave myself. Never wanted to look at myself in the mirror and was ashamed of who I was, because that is not how I was raised. However, it took much soul searching to learn that it was completely selfish to not forgive myself....let me explain.

Christ died for us, and forgave me of my sins as soon as I repent, which I did. Who am I to know better on who to forgive than Christ? If God, the ruler of everything, sees fit to forgive me, then I find myself being defiant of Him if i do not in turn forgive myself. This brings me to the ultimate point of this blog. I was presented with a test, well multiple tests. I failed them, miserably and with severe consequences, although it could have been much worse. And through all of that, I came out a better man. I came out with the knowledge to teach others about what I have learned so they would not make the same mistakes that I once made. I took this knowledge with me to England, presented it in front of thousands of elementary, Jr. high and high school students. And through this may have even reached some of them. All I can do as a disciple of Christ is plant the seed, God will water it later on.

I am not afraid of dying. This may shock some of you, but it should never be a fear if someone truly finds grace with Christ. If God would like me to die, and if that furthers his kingdom, I am ready. I am ready to do WHATEVER he commands and willing to have whatever the consequences. This is, however, also the problem. It is not always easy to see or hear what God has in store for us. So we wait, patiently, and strive to be that Christ -like figure, even though it is never to be accomplished.

I recently got a tattoo, something I have wanted for a long time and spent a long time making sure what I got was exactly the right thing to get. I ended up getting the christian fish, representing Christ, and having two words in Hebrew below it. The two words say "Lord. Savior." Although these are just two of the many words we call God, these two means the most to me. "Lord" is for me remembering that he is my master. That I gave my life to serving Him in everything I do and I will never forget that. And "Savior" is to remember what he did o the cross at Calgary. He gave his life to save me, and I am forgiven because of that sacrifice. Whatever I do I am already forgiven. There is no better news than this.

So I give you a sort of challenge. Its an easy one and something we can all do. Forgive yourself. There is something in everyones life that we are ashamed, I know this because we are all sinners. So, privately or publicly, forgive yourself. Spend your time with God and find that peace in your life. I guarantee, if you are a follower of Christ, he has already forgiven you.