So the last two days I have had the opportunity, no privledge, to be able to get to know an old friend all over again. Even though it has been almost twelve years since we had last seen each other, we are developing a friendship that has surpassed anythign that we had before. The reason I bring this up, is that we begun talking about everything, mainly about our past and how its has shaped us into the people we are today. I have taken this opportuntiy to not only get to know an old friend all over again, but also to take another look at my life, and am able to forgive myelf for things that has happened. I realized that even though I have repenetd time and time again, and Christ has forgiven more what I have done, I still havent forgiven myself.
For some of you reading this, if you heard what I did then you wuld think I was crazy to make such a big deal about it. However, I made a major mistake that I will have to explain to someone I love someday, and this will be my hardest moment. I have purposly left out the mistakes that I have made in the past from this post for the sole fact that I do not want you, as the reader, to dwell on it. Also I would like you to realate this to any mistake that you may have in your past that you have not yet forgiven yourself for. So instead of this only being about me and my self pity. I want you to look at yourself, and see if there may be anything that you haven't let go of.
What I didnt understand for the longest time adn still held onto was the feeling that people judge me by my past. However, the closer I became with Christian friends, the more I saw the love that they poured on me and told me without my past, I wouldnot be shaped into the man of God I am today. So although I have many mistakes that I made adn for various reasons, I am cleaned by the blood of Christ of all transgressions. Which I must say, is a pretty amazing feeling. "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." (Matthew 26:28)
Below is a video of a song many of you probably of heard. As soon as I heard this song by Brandon Heath, I was immediately touched. By his lyrics and the apssion you can tell as he sings. So don't forget to turn down the music player on the right hand side, and listen carefully to Brandon's prayer through song.
So with all that said, I have forgiven myself for everythign I have done, and praise God for letting me survive the things that seem to help make up my character. This is not an excuse to go on and live a life full of sin. We are called to live as Christ did and are unworthy of his grace, yet still have it. "For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live," (Romans 8:13) All I am saying is that you need to move on with your life, Christ has forgiven you and you must forgive yourself as well. I just think its funny that it took a person I haven't seen for more than a decade, and got more information in a 36 hour period than anyone ever has, to show me this, and it is becasue of this that I thank them.
""Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." (Acts 13:38)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Lord, Give Me A Revelation!
As I was sitting in church last night, thinking about where God wants to lead me, I thought about what I have been doing the past 22 years. Everything I had wanted to do was becasue of my desire to accomplish it. The only thng that I can say was not this case was joing High Rollers, but even then, at first, I had some selfish ideas about it. I started to think about the trip to Michigan that I wanted to take so badly. To see my friends that were such a big part of my life and I haven't seen for almost 12 years. But most imporatntly, I wanted to get away. Get away from responsibility, from issues that I had created, just basically run away.
Then I started to think if God had a bigger plan in mind for me this summer. I asked myself about how He going to use me, and not how I was going to use Him! First time I had done that. It wa sthen that it hoit me. I was sitting in Rock Harbor worshipping a God that I was afraid to worship compeletly. I have my ministries yes, but have not completely given EVERYTHING to Christ so He can use me as he would like to. I made a decision there as I prayed. There is a camp for the High Rollers ministry this summer. It is a full week of hanging out with the kids, and honestly I was afraid. Afraid of spending a week with a group that although I love dearly, was so different then anything I have experienced. But you know what? I haver a feeling that is where God needs me, and after cancelling my trip to Michigan, I gave my 100% devotion to it. Not an easy decision and I was shaking with excitement, fear, and nervousness as I told the Young Life Staff members that I would go. But I feel completely at peace with going, and I know it is for the glory of God and not for my selfish reasons.
Another part of that night was accepting that I can be myself around everyone adn not have to worry about what they may or may not think of me. A friend of mine saiud today at lunch that, "You need to be Cory, just VCory, and God will bless you becasue of it". Although such a simple statement, he is competetly right. I am always myself but am always worried adn paranoide what others may say about me. The thing t remeber is that it does not matter what anyone on this Earth says about me, NO ONE! All that matters is that I am truly seeking God with my whole heart and that life is devoted to Him. All that matters is when I finally meet my Heavenly Father, he ill say "Well done, good and faithful servant..." (Matthew 25:21) This is the only opinion that matters, and remembering that is the key to survival in such a sinful world.
So here I sit, at my desk, opening my life for God to use me. In any way that He sees fit, and I am completely willing to do ANYTHING that he is calling me to do. God, give me a revlation, show me what to do. I am beside myself, and haven't got a clue.
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." (Exodus 9:16)
Amen
Then I started to think if God had a bigger plan in mind for me this summer. I asked myself about how He going to use me, and not how I was going to use Him! First time I had done that. It wa sthen that it hoit me. I was sitting in Rock Harbor worshipping a God that I was afraid to worship compeletly. I have my ministries yes, but have not completely given EVERYTHING to Christ so He can use me as he would like to. I made a decision there as I prayed. There is a camp for the High Rollers ministry this summer. It is a full week of hanging out with the kids, and honestly I was afraid. Afraid of spending a week with a group that although I love dearly, was so different then anything I have experienced. But you know what? I haver a feeling that is where God needs me, and after cancelling my trip to Michigan, I gave my 100% devotion to it. Not an easy decision and I was shaking with excitement, fear, and nervousness as I told the Young Life Staff members that I would go. But I feel completely at peace with going, and I know it is for the glory of God and not for my selfish reasons.
Another part of that night was accepting that I can be myself around everyone adn not have to worry about what they may or may not think of me. A friend of mine saiud today at lunch that, "You need to be Cory, just VCory, and God will bless you becasue of it". Although such a simple statement, he is competetly right. I am always myself but am always worried adn paranoide what others may say about me. The thing t remeber is that it does not matter what anyone on this Earth says about me, NO ONE! All that matters is that I am truly seeking God with my whole heart and that life is devoted to Him. All that matters is when I finally meet my Heavenly Father, he ill say "Well done, good and faithful servant..." (Matthew 25:21) This is the only opinion that matters, and remembering that is the key to survival in such a sinful world.
So here I sit, at my desk, opening my life for God to use me. In any way that He sees fit, and I am completely willing to do ANYTHING that he is calling me to do. God, give me a revlation, show me what to do. I am beside myself, and haven't got a clue.
"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." (Exodus 9:16)
Amen
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Lifehouse describes Everything...
A lot of questions I have been coming up with during my writings have been giving up control, and having patience, and following God. However, it took me a long time to figure out why giving all these things to God, and who was He exactly. When I was searching for a lot of things in England, on my mission trip, I found exactly who He is through a Lifehouse song and a sketch that was on YouTube. Basically to sum it up, He is EVERYTHING! Lifehouse has become one of my favorite Christian bands and for many reasons. It is almost like they speak directly towards me with the lyrics they sing. It is great to be able to feel that way, feel that I am not alone in this crazy world and for the longest time I felt that way. Like no one would understand what I have been through. Below is the video of the sketch at a conference called Winterfest in Knoxville, TN, and it has honestly touched my heart every time I watch it. It shows me where I was and how far I have come on my walk with Christ.
After watching that clip many times over the past coupe years, it still gives me chills. Its hows the sin that we go through yet Jesus is still there. It show that we deny him again and again as we drink excessively, do drugs, even contemplate suicide, yet He is still there. This is a perfect example of grace. The part that gets me most is when we are ready to come back to Christ. When we feel nothing without Him and now that he is our Everything! However this no easy task as any born again believer will tell you. It is a struggle against sin and temptation, and an uphill battle all the way. However as we battle sin we become cleansed. In the clip you can see that the girls black shirt becomes white representing her purity through Christ and the grace given to her. But still at the end when we finally are so close to Christ, sin still does not let us go and we are still haunted by our past mistakes while being tempted all the time. It is not until we call on Christ to take it away and when he steps in front and conquers our sin through his death. He battles it for us and as long as we ask, we will be forgiven and He will never let anything tempt us that we can't handle. The image of Christ stepping in front of the sin tempting us is so powerful and clenches my heart. It fills me up with so much with joy and conviction, I am completely in awe of His sacrifice. What an amazing thing grace really is, and the pure heart I receive through my Savior's death and resurrection.
After watching that clip many times over the past coupe years, it still gives me chills. Its hows the sin that we go through yet Jesus is still there. It show that we deny him again and again as we drink excessively, do drugs, even contemplate suicide, yet He is still there. This is a perfect example of grace. The part that gets me most is when we are ready to come back to Christ. When we feel nothing without Him and now that he is our Everything! However this no easy task as any born again believer will tell you. It is a struggle against sin and temptation, and an uphill battle all the way. However as we battle sin we become cleansed. In the clip you can see that the girls black shirt becomes white representing her purity through Christ and the grace given to her. But still at the end when we finally are so close to Christ, sin still does not let us go and we are still haunted by our past mistakes while being tempted all the time. It is not until we call on Christ to take it away and when he steps in front and conquers our sin through his death. He battles it for us and as long as we ask, we will be forgiven and He will never let anything tempt us that we can't handle. The image of Christ stepping in front of the sin tempting us is so powerful and clenches my heart. It fills me up with so much with joy and conviction, I am completely in awe of His sacrifice. What an amazing thing grace really is, and the pure heart I receive through my Savior's death and resurrection.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Patience....
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
(Colossians 3:12)
This is something that I had been struggling with most of my life. Patience on myself, others and most importantly, in God. Recently I have given over control of my life completely to Christ. It hit me one day that this is not my life, I do not deserve it nor do I deserve the grace that I received back when I was 17. Christ, the only perfect person to walk this earth, was given as a sacrifice for ME and everyone else. Regardless of what you have done in the past, present or future, Christ has already paid for it in full! Now I think about this and ask myself why haven’t I given everything to the one that saved me from damnation, which is truly where I deserve to go. Back in the older times, if you saved a man's life, he is your servant forever. The same, I believe, is with Christ. I am his servant for my entire life and I have to be patient so I will be ready to do what He commands of me.
Now, this was a very hard thing for me to do. I always loved being in control of my "destiny" or "fate". Then when things went wrong I knew exactly who to blame, myself. I was not going to blame God for bad things happening, but if I thought I had control, then it was definitely my fault. What I did not understand is maybe things were going wrong because I was trying to do things against God's will, since I truly haven't given up control of my life, well not to the extent that I needed to, which is completely! I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11 for so many reasons and this may the biggest one. God tells us that he has known the plan for us all along, even before we were born and we just have to let him in so he can take control.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
(Jeremiah 29:11)
Although simple in text, it says so much in my life. I know I have used it before in another post which basically talks about the same thing as this one, patience in him. Yet another thing I struggled with is trying to figure out what God was doing in my life. Trying to understand where and why he was leading me. Then for my college graduation I received a desk item from my parents. Its glass plaque that has Proverbs 3:5-6 written on it. This verse, along with Jeremiah, allowed me to give up even my understanding of what God was trying to do, because honestly we probably will never understand Him. He calls us to follow, blindly if necessary, and not to understand. If you have heard Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith", it explains it better than I have ever heard before.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
The second part of that really hits me. "...In all your ways acknowledge Him..." This is where I have been lacking. I have been trying to take credit for things that are amazing happening in my life, but what I did not understand is that God was the one that made things happen, not me in the slightest.
So I have praying and meditating on these two verses for some time now and really trying to apply them to my life. In EVERY part of my life. No matter how small or how big, I acknowledge God and praise him for what he continues to do in me. With all these things on my mind, worrying about them and stressing about them. I have finally let go, and understand that there is nothing I can do to make it any more pleasing to God except to give up control. I am his servant and nothing else. I am just a man that strives to be in His image, while living in a sinful world.
So I pray that God gives me the wisdom and patience that I need to serve Him better, and that I do not strive for things He does not want me to have. My life is in God's control and honestly, I would have it no other way.
Amen
(Colossians 3:12)
This is something that I had been struggling with most of my life. Patience on myself, others and most importantly, in God. Recently I have given over control of my life completely to Christ. It hit me one day that this is not my life, I do not deserve it nor do I deserve the grace that I received back when I was 17. Christ, the only perfect person to walk this earth, was given as a sacrifice for ME and everyone else. Regardless of what you have done in the past, present or future, Christ has already paid for it in full! Now I think about this and ask myself why haven’t I given everything to the one that saved me from damnation, which is truly where I deserve to go. Back in the older times, if you saved a man's life, he is your servant forever. The same, I believe, is with Christ. I am his servant for my entire life and I have to be patient so I will be ready to do what He commands of me.
Now, this was a very hard thing for me to do. I always loved being in control of my "destiny" or "fate". Then when things went wrong I knew exactly who to blame, myself. I was not going to blame God for bad things happening, but if I thought I had control, then it was definitely my fault. What I did not understand is maybe things were going wrong because I was trying to do things against God's will, since I truly haven't given up control of my life, well not to the extent that I needed to, which is completely! I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11 for so many reasons and this may the biggest one. God tells us that he has known the plan for us all along, even before we were born and we just have to let him in so he can take control.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
(Jeremiah 29:11)
Although simple in text, it says so much in my life. I know I have used it before in another post which basically talks about the same thing as this one, patience in him. Yet another thing I struggled with is trying to figure out what God was doing in my life. Trying to understand where and why he was leading me. Then for my college graduation I received a desk item from my parents. Its glass plaque that has Proverbs 3:5-6 written on it. This verse, along with Jeremiah, allowed me to give up even my understanding of what God was trying to do, because honestly we probably will never understand Him. He calls us to follow, blindly if necessary, and not to understand. If you have heard Jeremy Camp's song "Walk By Faith", it explains it better than I have ever heard before.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
The second part of that really hits me. "...In all your ways acknowledge Him..." This is where I have been lacking. I have been trying to take credit for things that are amazing happening in my life, but what I did not understand is that God was the one that made things happen, not me in the slightest.
So I have praying and meditating on these two verses for some time now and really trying to apply them to my life. In EVERY part of my life. No matter how small or how big, I acknowledge God and praise him for what he continues to do in me. With all these things on my mind, worrying about them and stressing about them. I have finally let go, and understand that there is nothing I can do to make it any more pleasing to God except to give up control. I am his servant and nothing else. I am just a man that strives to be in His image, while living in a sinful world.
So I pray that God gives me the wisdom and patience that I need to serve Him better, and that I do not strive for things He does not want me to have. My life is in God's control and honestly, I would have it no other way.
Amen
Monday, April 20, 2009
Oprah's New Church
I never really enjoyed watching Oprah's show, with no big reason, just that it was not for me. If you watch it great, I think it is an inspirational show followed by millions of people. However, as a Christian, I believe it is important to let people know what exactly she is teaching off the air. She may be a great person, giving millions if not billions of money to a variety of charities. However, Christ tells us in the Parable of The Widows Offering (Mark 12:41-44) that it does not mean the amount of what you give in any way. But in the matter you give and the faith you have while giving. So I ask you who has put more into the world in Christ's eyes (which is the only one that matters), Oprah who gives hundreds of millions, or a college student who gives his church the last twenty dollars he has?
So besides the fact that she gives a lot of money, she also is inspirational. Which is great! She is a Follower if Christ right? This is what I found out a couple years ago. I fund that she has adapted her own "belief system" and has been deceiving and confusing believers, over two million at last count. Please take the time to watch the video below so that you can be educated enough to find the difference between a follower of Christ and a person that believes what they find convenient. The video is below.
Oprah states in the video that Jesus is NOT the only way and that there are "millions of ways to get to what you call God". This is completely false based on the teachings of Christ. She also talks about, in another interview with Larry King, that she feels she has control over life and she has caused things to happen, such as gaining a movie role in The Color Purple.
The thing I think bothers me most is that she said that she stated to turn from God when she heard that God "is a jealous God". This statement from the minister is very true. It states that in the Bible clearly. However, Oprah takes it as God is jealous of us, like he wants what we have. God is jealous in the fact that He wants all of us to himself. Just as the first commandment says, "Thou shall have no other gods before me". This is the jealousy that is spoken. The twisting of scripture, just as Joseph Smith did almost 200 years ago with teh Church of Latter Day Saints, is causing believers to be manipulated and are falling far from Christ. This is what scares me.
Ten Years Ago Today...
A lot of you may have forgotten, weren't old enough to remember or maybe just did not really care all too much, but today is the ten year anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings in Jefferson County, Colorado. I do not really know why this has not been a bigger story in the news, maybe it might not be relevant any more, yet I remember that not too long ago on April 16th, 2007, there was another massacre of 32 people on the Virginia Tech University campus. I believe that this subject is not relevant enough. I can’t still remember at age 12, sitting in my classroom at RSM Intermediate School, hearing about the undeserved deaths of 12 innocent people. Although this was just one incident, it sparked conversation about a multitude of different aspects that may or may not fueled the rage that these two students expressed.
I became familiar with the situation after doing research for a play that I was in during high school called "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". A play written for the purpose of exposing the side of evil that had been ignored before the Columbine shootings. A play that I later directed on my college campus, coincidently on the week of the Virginia Tech shootings. I became very involved into the subject and learned more then I have ever cared to, but I am glad that I did.
I had found multiple videos on YouTube (its amazing what you can find on there) as well as watching the movie "Bowling For Columbine" directed by Michael Moore. Everyone seems to have their own opinion on what happened, why and how to fix it. And although this may surprise you, I have no idea and no opinion to any of those questions. All I have is the facts that still make very little sense to me.
Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris (the shooters) were both athletic, intelligent and came from good homes. They had loving parents and siblings, yet there was something missing. What was missing seems like the question that needs to be addressed. Ever since this shooting occurred, everyone has been trying to put the blame on something. Whether that blame is deserved or not, a scapegoat needs to be found so we can "move on". Items that were brought up are violent video games (Doom and Wolfenstein 3D), Marilyn Manson, Goth culture and music, movies such as Natural Born Killers and The Basketball Diaries, even going as far as suing these people and companies that have created these forms of entertainment. However, my question is that I have played, listened to and watched many of these "scapegoats". Does this mean I would have shot 11 of my classmates and 1 teacher? I think not. Another reason this may have happened is the way that Klebold and Harris were both not accepted into certain cliques while in high school. (Which in my opinion, cliques are the biggest problem that we have in our school systems today.) Yes, they were bullied and verbally abused throughout high school, but again I ask does this mean that every bullied kid in high school is going to shoot their classmates?
It all boils down to a certain point that a teacher made to me in high school as I was researching my role in "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". He said "Everyone has the ability to kill. Especially in males, it is human nature to take things to the extreme and lash out uncontrollably. Yet it is how you deal with certain aspects of your life that will determine how you lash out. Obviously, these two students (Klebold and Harris) needed to make a statement and even declared that they 'wanted to make history'. Mission accomplished, wouldn't you say?"
I thought this statement to be very interesting in the way that I believe that under certain circumstances, everyone DOES have the ability to kill, but usually won't. Human nature drives us to either protect our territory, our families, or ourselves. I am not making an excuse or argument for these students in any way, what they did was inexcusable. I just want to make that clear.
Ever since the first sin with Adam and Eve, and then the first murder with Cain and Able, things have spun out of control. Sin has taken over our world and caused innocent deaths since basic creation. Obviously, the shooters were not believers in Christ and sought a new way to live. It is believed that one shooter asked a victim named Rachel Scott if she was a Christian, after getting the response "yes", her life was taken. Over the last ten years I have been asking myself if I would say the same, today I can honestly say that I would. Rachel's father was asked to speak to congress about the shootings during the investigations. He went on to say that after the shooting, our government saw it fit to slowly but surely reduce the role that God has in our classrooms. He rarely mentioned the actual shooters in his statement yet told the members of congress that because of a "ban" of God in our schools; it is causing evil to maneuver its way through the educational hallways of our schools. It was interesting to see a man that had lost his child to a senseless act of violence, call out our "leaders" and tell them that because of the laws they have made to "kick out" God from our schools, have partial blame in the school shootings around our country.
Ten years ago, the worst public premeditated school shooting in the history of our country took place and it seemed to be forgotten by everyone.
I became familiar with the situation after doing research for a play that I was in during high school called "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". A play written for the purpose of exposing the side of evil that had been ignored before the Columbine shootings. A play that I later directed on my college campus, coincidently on the week of the Virginia Tech shootings. I became very involved into the subject and learned more then I have ever cared to, but I am glad that I did.
I had found multiple videos on YouTube (its amazing what you can find on there) as well as watching the movie "Bowling For Columbine" directed by Michael Moore. Everyone seems to have their own opinion on what happened, why and how to fix it. And although this may surprise you, I have no idea and no opinion to any of those questions. All I have is the facts that still make very little sense to me.
Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris (the shooters) were both athletic, intelligent and came from good homes. They had loving parents and siblings, yet there was something missing. What was missing seems like the question that needs to be addressed. Ever since this shooting occurred, everyone has been trying to put the blame on something. Whether that blame is deserved or not, a scapegoat needs to be found so we can "move on". Items that were brought up are violent video games (Doom and Wolfenstein 3D), Marilyn Manson, Goth culture and music, movies such as Natural Born Killers and The Basketball Diaries, even going as far as suing these people and companies that have created these forms of entertainment. However, my question is that I have played, listened to and watched many of these "scapegoats". Does this mean I would have shot 11 of my classmates and 1 teacher? I think not. Another reason this may have happened is the way that Klebold and Harris were both not accepted into certain cliques while in high school. (Which in my opinion, cliques are the biggest problem that we have in our school systems today.) Yes, they were bullied and verbally abused throughout high school, but again I ask does this mean that every bullied kid in high school is going to shoot their classmates?
It all boils down to a certain point that a teacher made to me in high school as I was researching my role in "Bang, Bang, You're Dead". He said "Everyone has the ability to kill. Especially in males, it is human nature to take things to the extreme and lash out uncontrollably. Yet it is how you deal with certain aspects of your life that will determine how you lash out. Obviously, these two students (Klebold and Harris) needed to make a statement and even declared that they 'wanted to make history'. Mission accomplished, wouldn't you say?"
I thought this statement to be very interesting in the way that I believe that under certain circumstances, everyone DOES have the ability to kill, but usually won't. Human nature drives us to either protect our territory, our families, or ourselves. I am not making an excuse or argument for these students in any way, what they did was inexcusable. I just want to make that clear.
Ever since the first sin with Adam and Eve, and then the first murder with Cain and Able, things have spun out of control. Sin has taken over our world and caused innocent deaths since basic creation. Obviously, the shooters were not believers in Christ and sought a new way to live. It is believed that one shooter asked a victim named Rachel Scott if she was a Christian, after getting the response "yes", her life was taken. Over the last ten years I have been asking myself if I would say the same, today I can honestly say that I would. Rachel's father was asked to speak to congress about the shootings during the investigations. He went on to say that after the shooting, our government saw it fit to slowly but surely reduce the role that God has in our classrooms. He rarely mentioned the actual shooters in his statement yet told the members of congress that because of a "ban" of God in our schools; it is causing evil to maneuver its way through the educational hallways of our schools. It was interesting to see a man that had lost his child to a senseless act of violence, call out our "leaders" and tell them that because of the laws they have made to "kick out" God from our schools, have partial blame in the school shootings around our country.
Ten years ago, the worst public premeditated school shooting in the history of our country took place and it seemed to be forgotten by everyone.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My Blog- Welcome!
So I have always wanted to write a blog for one reason or another, maybe just to get things off my chest and offer my opinions and thoughts to people who would like it. This includes ideas about my walk with Christ, movie reviews (Good Idea Luke!) and of course things I might be going through.
If you have known me for even a little bit, you already know I am a very open person. Willing to expose my past or present struggles to people that it may be able to benefit. This blog i just that, a way I can show you what I am going through and how I am handling the best way I can with help from my savior, Lord and best friend, Jesus Christ.
I have already posted two blogs today that I had written already. They were on my Facebook but now I think it would be better if they were on here so people that I care so much about will read what has happened to me in the recent past.
Thank you for reading what I have to say and I welcome ay questions, comments or advice that you may have to share.
In Christ,
Cory Michael Ayers
Jeremiah 29:11
Written Monday, March 9th, 2009
Nick told me to write down things if I feel more comfortable with it....this is my prayer.
There has been a phrase that has been thrown around for a couple months now by both Christians and non-believers. I have heard people talk about their "calling" and what they want to do with it. I have always wondered what the word actually meant and what I should be looking for. I have looked it up in dictionaries and still haven’t found the answer that I need. Last night it kept me up for a while, and thought that putting it down on paper and gaining some insight from some other people I love, trust and respect may give me the correct direction to go on. Let me go back a bit. A couple of weeks ago I decided to leave a youth ministry I was a part of for a little while and pursue something I felt very strongly about. I told the youth pastor, who is also a strong friend, and he wished me the best and said he would continue to pray for me. I spent the night not at my usual youth group but at a place where I found more love in one room then I have ever seen before.
High Rollers is a special ministry that is not easily ignored. I found myself doing something that, although I have been told differently, I do not normally do, jumping with both feet without testing the waters. I had the time of my life that night and could not wait until the next week where I could relive it all again. The next day I received a couple of messages from my old youth group saying they missed me and wished me luck. One kid said something that kind of struck me differently; he said "I am glad you found your calling". My calling? Is that what I have found? Jeremiah 29:11 has always been my favorite verse for a couple of reasons. One, it reminds me I can not do anything alone. And two, I have to let go of my life and let God take over. I believe this is one of those times. At High Rollers I find myself in an uncomfortable yet extremely loved situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The more I go the more comfortable I become. I found myself surrounded by leaders that do not ask questions, but will be there for anyone that needs them. Christians I am beginning to trust more than friends I have known for a lifetime.
These types of friendships are not easily found and rarely found in one place. (For that I thank all of you) I also found myself surrounded by the most loving people, with nothing but joy to show. The High Roller students are amazing and I look forward to each time I get to see them. They have taught me so much. This past weekend I was able to attend a retreat for the Young Life Leaders. A weekend that has changed my perspective of pretty much everything. Nick has shown me that you can take you uncomfortable feeling and turn it into energy when you should have none. He showed me that it was ok to be frustrated, but to remember that whenever you "turn" a child in his bed, you are God as well. I look forward to the sleepless nights. :) I come to the realization that I have had multiple opportunities to hang out with students with disabilities. Whether it was a family friend I have known my entire life or volunteering at a special education class. Each time I have always found a way to schedule something instead and get out of it. I let my uncomfortable feelings get the better of me.
It was not until I visited Health Bridge Children's Hospital and met an unforgettable sixteen year old named Wyatt. His strength and courage dwarfed mine in every way and although he was mostly paralyzed, he beat me in every video game he had. After that visit I decided to volunteer at High Rollers, and have been blessed with so many things since. The people I have tagged in this note, and some I haven’t because we are not Facebook friends yet, I have the up most respect and love. When sometimes it doesn’t seem like I do, I am truly sorry. Your unselfishness and willingness to sacrifice in order for His kingdom to advance, is unparalleled. My admiration for what you do, not only on Wednesdays, but every day of the week can not be explained in words and this past weekend did nothing but confirm that. I look forward to the days I get to know my fellow leaders more.
So I am at the end of this note, for the third time, and it still doesn’t seem like I have said enough. But the question remains is there such a thing as enough said for the work God is doing in your life. Wednesday nights are truly the best part of my week and even though its for an hour and a half, I always leave wanting more. I am not 100% sure of where I wanted to go with this note and the response I am looking for. I couldn’t sleep last night wondering about it and I decided to write it down, on Nick Palermo's advice. So here it is, my prayer for what God has in store for my life and my patience on accepting it. Amen
Nick told me to write down things if I feel more comfortable with it....this is my prayer.
There has been a phrase that has been thrown around for a couple months now by both Christians and non-believers. I have heard people talk about their "calling" and what they want to do with it. I have always wondered what the word actually meant and what I should be looking for. I have looked it up in dictionaries and still haven’t found the answer that I need. Last night it kept me up for a while, and thought that putting it down on paper and gaining some insight from some other people I love, trust and respect may give me the correct direction to go on. Let me go back a bit. A couple of weeks ago I decided to leave a youth ministry I was a part of for a little while and pursue something I felt very strongly about. I told the youth pastor, who is also a strong friend, and he wished me the best and said he would continue to pray for me. I spent the night not at my usual youth group but at a place where I found more love in one room then I have ever seen before.
High Rollers is a special ministry that is not easily ignored. I found myself doing something that, although I have been told differently, I do not normally do, jumping with both feet without testing the waters. I had the time of my life that night and could not wait until the next week where I could relive it all again. The next day I received a couple of messages from my old youth group saying they missed me and wished me luck. One kid said something that kind of struck me differently; he said "I am glad you found your calling". My calling? Is that what I have found? Jeremiah 29:11 has always been my favorite verse for a couple of reasons. One, it reminds me I can not do anything alone. And two, I have to let go of my life and let God take over. I believe this is one of those times. At High Rollers I find myself in an uncomfortable yet extremely loved situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The more I go the more comfortable I become. I found myself surrounded by leaders that do not ask questions, but will be there for anyone that needs them. Christians I am beginning to trust more than friends I have known for a lifetime.
These types of friendships are not easily found and rarely found in one place. (For that I thank all of you) I also found myself surrounded by the most loving people, with nothing but joy to show. The High Roller students are amazing and I look forward to each time I get to see them. They have taught me so much. This past weekend I was able to attend a retreat for the Young Life Leaders. A weekend that has changed my perspective of pretty much everything. Nick has shown me that you can take you uncomfortable feeling and turn it into energy when you should have none. He showed me that it was ok to be frustrated, but to remember that whenever you "turn" a child in his bed, you are God as well. I look forward to the sleepless nights. :) I come to the realization that I have had multiple opportunities to hang out with students with disabilities. Whether it was a family friend I have known my entire life or volunteering at a special education class. Each time I have always found a way to schedule something instead and get out of it. I let my uncomfortable feelings get the better of me.
It was not until I visited Health Bridge Children's Hospital and met an unforgettable sixteen year old named Wyatt. His strength and courage dwarfed mine in every way and although he was mostly paralyzed, he beat me in every video game he had. After that visit I decided to volunteer at High Rollers, and have been blessed with so many things since. The people I have tagged in this note, and some I haven’t because we are not Facebook friends yet, I have the up most respect and love. When sometimes it doesn’t seem like I do, I am truly sorry. Your unselfishness and willingness to sacrifice in order for His kingdom to advance, is unparalleled. My admiration for what you do, not only on Wednesdays, but every day of the week can not be explained in words and this past weekend did nothing but confirm that. I look forward to the days I get to know my fellow leaders more.
So I am at the end of this note, for the third time, and it still doesn’t seem like I have said enough. But the question remains is there such a thing as enough said for the work God is doing in your life. Wednesday nights are truly the best part of my week and even though its for an hour and a half, I always leave wanting more. I am not 100% sure of where I wanted to go with this note and the response I am looking for. I couldn’t sleep last night wondering about it and I decided to write it down, on Nick Palermo's advice. So here it is, my prayer for what God has in store for my life and my patience on accepting it. Amen
The Long Walk Back....
Written Sunday, October 7th, 2007
I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and the direction it is headed. Is this what I actually want for my life? I had a change in my life that I can’t talk about to my family, brothers or even my best friend. The reason is that I don’t think they will even understand. The trip I took to England was undeserved but very much needed. There are only nine people in this world that can actually understand what I am going through, this is because they were there. Every one else I feel is just nodding along to be good “friends” or “Christians”. I find little satisfaction in where my life is headed, the mistakes I have made in the past are beginning to catch up with me and I am too weak to resist them alone.
I do have three friends that have been next to me from the beginning of my path with Christ, my true walk. Two of those are my brothers and even though they may be critical at times, they are my best friends and I wouldn’t be around today without them. They have turned from brother, to friend, to confidant. Then there is my friend Luke. He ahs many reasons to turn his back on me or say certain things that, although will be justified, are hurtful. With all this in mind, he stays as my friend, and I truly owe my life to him, I don’t think he actually understands the impact he has made on my lie with his guidance, words, and example. Its true I have other “friends” that I find myself hanging out with, but in the back of my mind, I feel how many will stay my friends after they meet my true self and they know my little secrets that I keep hidden. At this point in my life I am actually afraid to go to church. Each Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday in the morning I am looking forward to going to church. However, I always seem to find some excuse to miss it. I want, no I need to go to find my faith and to hear God calling me back to him. I am lost and need that light to guide me on my path. Honestly, I fear it is too late, and that I have screwed up too much to be able to find my way back.
England changed my life. I don’t expect most of you to understand this statement but I know nine of you that stood next to me in my hardest time do understand it. This I thank you, for although not knowing me, for caring for me and believing I me above all else. A young man in England asked me, “What has God done in your life to make you believe in him and why hasn’t he done that for me”. My heart was broken for this young man and after praying with him I just hoped that I said the right things.
Basically, I am lost and trying to find my way back. All that I ask is prayer, nothing big but just something, because I am too weak to do this on my own. I need God and the problem is that I no longer know where to look. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I hope this future is true and that He does have a plan for me, this is a time in my life that I am afraid of where I might end up…
I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and the direction it is headed. Is this what I actually want for my life? I had a change in my life that I can’t talk about to my family, brothers or even my best friend. The reason is that I don’t think they will even understand. The trip I took to England was undeserved but very much needed. There are only nine people in this world that can actually understand what I am going through, this is because they were there. Every one else I feel is just nodding along to be good “friends” or “Christians”. I find little satisfaction in where my life is headed, the mistakes I have made in the past are beginning to catch up with me and I am too weak to resist them alone.
I do have three friends that have been next to me from the beginning of my path with Christ, my true walk. Two of those are my brothers and even though they may be critical at times, they are my best friends and I wouldn’t be around today without them. They have turned from brother, to friend, to confidant. Then there is my friend Luke. He ahs many reasons to turn his back on me or say certain things that, although will be justified, are hurtful. With all this in mind, he stays as my friend, and I truly owe my life to him, I don’t think he actually understands the impact he has made on my lie with his guidance, words, and example. Its true I have other “friends” that I find myself hanging out with, but in the back of my mind, I feel how many will stay my friends after they meet my true self and they know my little secrets that I keep hidden. At this point in my life I am actually afraid to go to church. Each Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday in the morning I am looking forward to going to church. However, I always seem to find some excuse to miss it. I want, no I need to go to find my faith and to hear God calling me back to him. I am lost and need that light to guide me on my path. Honestly, I fear it is too late, and that I have screwed up too much to be able to find my way back.
England changed my life. I don’t expect most of you to understand this statement but I know nine of you that stood next to me in my hardest time do understand it. This I thank you, for although not knowing me, for caring for me and believing I me above all else. A young man in England asked me, “What has God done in your life to make you believe in him and why hasn’t he done that for me”. My heart was broken for this young man and after praying with him I just hoped that I said the right things.
Basically, I am lost and trying to find my way back. All that I ask is prayer, nothing big but just something, because I am too weak to do this on my own. I need God and the problem is that I no longer know where to look. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I hope this future is true and that He does have a plan for me, this is a time in my life that I am afraid of where I might end up…
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