Being content and patient with change....

This subject has been on my heart for a very long time. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever endured and seems to be at the base of every issue in my life, past and present. I have found that I have been able to be content with change. I have also found to be patient with change. However, one of my biggest struggles in my relationship with Christ is to be content as well as patient. This may seem like an easy task to some, but I bet that when you look at your own life, deep down you struggle with this as well. It is not in our nature to be patient with anything. I mean look around our world. We have fast food, faster internet, technology at our fingertips and the faster something is the better. There is no patience within our world, its mandatory to be quick or you will not survive.

God has promised us everything. Life when we don't deserve it and grace when we never thought possible. He has said that as long as we ask for it, it will be ours. In His time not our own. As long as we are patient we will have everything, we have a Savior. However, this is probably man's major downfall. It started with Adam and Eve, now it is upon us. Eve was impatient with God and decided to take a shortcut, Adam followed when he should have lead. Therefore sin entered the world. Sin enters our lives when we are not patient. We want things done now or we will do it ourselves. Have you ever heard of a person praying for something and then when it doesn't happen they say that there couldn't be a God. Just because it did not happen right then, in their time. I heard one person pray these words. "God, if you are real I want you to give me a job by tomorrow. If that happens then I will believe in you". Um...yeah doesn't work that way buddy. First of all, God will provide you with a job in His time, not yours. Maybe he wants to humble you before you are ready for a job. Or maybe he has a different plan entirely. The thing with faith is that we are not called to know or understand, just to obey. One of the hardest things. Being obedient with the unknown. However, it becomes eaiser when you understand Christ's nature and when you do know that he loves us.

Ok...that was mostly on patience. Now on something that has hindered me recently. Being content with the change that God places on our lives. He makes changes to help us grow, in our faith and our character. He changes my situations to make me a stringer man of faith, I know this but it doesn't make it any easier to accept the changes as they happen. I lost my job over three months ago. It was a great job with a thriving company and I really liked it. However, it seemed God wanted me somehere else. I had no clue that I was going to be laid off and I would have to scramble for a job in retail. This change humbled me as a salesman and as a person. I learned to traust in Him alone and not in one company. Now I have a great opportunity ahead of me in a great company, an opportunity that would not have been possible unless God saw fit for me to vacate my last position.

Now we get to my relationships. One in particular has been on my mind a whole lot. I care about this person very much and would literally do anything for her. However, I was not patient with all the changes happening within our relationship and wanted to speed things up. This not only caused confusion within my relationship with her but also my walk with Christ. As soon as I slowed down, thought about what was going on, I was able to find my foothold as a leader in the relationship. I have also learned, after many trials, to be content with who I am in the relationship and the changes going on in both of our lives. I am the kind of person that always wants to make the best of a situation and to make it better than it is, well "better" according to me. Go figure, things that may seem better to me are not always in line with God's plan :)

Its time to stop talking, and start listening. Its time to be patient in He who gives me strength.

Growing up in a whole new way...

So the past couple months I have been looking for a position at a company that I can thrive in. There are plenty of places that I couple just accept a paycheck every two weeks, but I want to be employed at a company where I can make my mark. A place where I can begin to build a reputation in a sales atmosphere. A place where I can feel at home. Ok, so I know that God has a plan, a plan that has me in the place where I need to be. Not only for myself, but to further His kingdom, which is my ultimate goal in everything I do. So here I am waiting, waiting for God to reveal that place for me.

I am also growing in another way. I am growing in relationships that are the most important to me. One of those relationships is the most important, the one I have with my savior. The second is the one with my girlfriend, in the ways I treat, respect and honor her. The greatest part about these two relationships is that they overlap. I found that the better I am with one, the better I am with the other. Isn't that the goal? To have the relationship of your savior be within every relationship? ESPECIALLY with the one you care about most? So I am progressing, patiently, with my girlfriend and we are diving into 2 Timothy together. If you haven't read this book closely I suggest it 100%. A friend in college suggested it, alone or in a relationship, and he couldn't had been more right. I am finding that me and Timothy are not that much different. Both are young and looking to further His kingdom in every chance we get. And as I am reading this with Tayler, I am finding that a lot of what Paul says to Timothy applies to us in many ways. I am very excited, as you can probably read, about this.

I have always tried to grow up too fast. Tried to act older than I was or do things that I definitely was not ready for. It always seem to be harmful to me, whether spiritually or physically, it always hurt me in some way. In this way I have hurt people around me, people who I ahve lost over the years. The ones who have stuck around through my trials and tribulations have seen me transform into someone that just wants to be me. No one else but the person God has molded and continues to mold. I still have struggles that I battle with on a daily basis but all that means to me is that "the enemy" wants to bring me down and still has not been able. Even though at times I have let him into my life, my Savior has always been there for me and fought my battles with me. And, of course, with Him you can not lose. You have the trump card that defeats all eveil, no matter how strong you may think it is. Jesus Christ is always stronger.

Its funny, as I am writing this entry, a Kutless song came up on my iTunes that I have always felt was a direct message from God. The song is called "Vow" and it is the one song I can always go to, and see tat there is such a bigger plan then my life. That I will always vow to try and be the disciple He has called to Him. To be he disciple that will hear the words "well done my good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21) when I stand in front of my Lord and Savior in Heaven.

Right now I do not pray for me, I pray for those reading this that may think that since they have screwed up as a Christian, they have no way back to Him. Listen, there is always a way back. Always a way home. And always a way to His arms that are waiting wide open for you. I have been where you are, and trust me the other way is never a good thing and never satisfying. The only thing that will satisfy your thirst is Him, and Him alone. Trust that His love will redeem and it shall be done. I am praying for you, whoever you are, and know that I always will. Amen.

Sand through an hourglass....

Wow...things seem to change quickly. I have been on a pretty fast roller coaster ride since I last posted something on here. Some of the last two months have been fantastic, and others have been extremely discouraging. I was able to get very close to Christ in my walk and also there were, to my utmost regret, times that I felt far from His embrace. However, I am happy to say that I can feel His spirit beside me.

The last time I wrote I said that I was beginning my journey. Well, yeah God definitely heard that prayer and took little time in showing me that it was going to be a journey that I never expected. Just under a month ago I began to date one of my best friends. A girl that I have literally known her whole life and someone that I am very close to. It was something unexpected on both sides and I can honestly say, something I was unprepared for. She was not just another girl I was getting to know. This was someone I had already trusted, someone I trusted more than anyone. So we moved kinda fast in the beginning. It scared both of us and as the excitement wore off, the fear stayed. Luckily, we were able to discuss and be completely honest with one another. Something that I have always strive for in a relationship but rarely received. After our discussion and since then, things have been honest, great and most importantly God centered.

Me and my girlfriend have started to read 2 Timothy together and this week we focused on chapter 1. I have read this chapter many times while I was single but now being in a relationship, Paul's writings mean an entirely new thing. The words from Paul to Timothy and the encouragement to be faithful hit hard and are very convicting. Makes me wonder where in the past I placed my faith. In myself? Pastors? Family? Relationships? All have and will continue to fail me until my faith is solely in Christ Jesus. Paul writes, "Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I am entrusted to Him for that day."

I want you guys to look at your own lives and ask who you are putting your trust in and if it is not Christ...why not? As I continue my journey, I am going to be more open and honest with whoever, if anyone, is reading this. So sit back and hold on. Some of this may make sense and the other stuff...well I guess I am just rambling :-)

Learning The Lessons in Life

So I have said many times that God gives you the test first and the lesson later. This can not be more true then what I have gone through in my life currently. I look back on the last year, almost exactly a year, and see how much I have actually failed in what God was trying to show me. However, like a phoenix rises from the flame, God is really using all of the trials and failures I have endured to teach me something. Something that is incredibly invaluable and will prepare me for the future. I have no problem saying that I screwed up in my last relationship. I fell in love with having a relationship and not with the person in it or most importantly with how God could bless it. Who knows, maybe if things would have been more maturely dealt with, it would be different. However, I am no longer looking at the would have/ could have aspects of my life. I truly feel that God wants me to press forward, wherever that may be to.

I thought I learned my lesson back in December/ January of this year, but I didn't. I still let my infatuation get a hold of me, let someone get into my head that had no place there, and let my emotions get ahead of me. The lesson that I learned is that God has a plan. I know it seems like you may already know this but think about it for a second. GOD has a plan for ME. Six words that should echo through your head so much that you never forget it. The creator/ savior/ Lord/ master of everything on this Earth or beyond it, is thinking about what is going to happen in my life. That is the most amazing thing that I have ever heard. Almost unbelievable, almost.

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May 17, 2010

So I started this post a while ago and decided to take some time off from it and gain some perspective in my own life before I continued something that my life at the time could benefit. Over the last 6 months or so I have learned a lot about relationships, myself and more importantly...God and his timing. Even though things in my life seemed to crumble and I did not think things were going as I was hoping them to...God had a plan and it was a plan, just as Jeremiah 29:11 says, to "prosper me, not to harm me, and to give me a hope and a future". Whatever goes through my life, makes me stronger as a Christian man. However I also learned that you have to LEARN from the circumstances in your life or you are doomed to repeat the mistakes you have already made.

So as I begin a new journey in my life...not a new chapter a whole new book that is not only Christ centered, but most importantly Christ driven, I reflect upon what has made me the man I am today. The mistakes that I have made and the decisions that have come to pass, good and bad, have molded me to the man I am today. God did not make us infallible beings, which he definitely could have. He could have made Adam perfect in ever way and unable to sin. He CHOSE to give us free will and let that be the factor of eternal life with Him in heaven. We all sin. We are not perfect. Not you or me or even that girl/ guy that you have fallen head over heals for. We all fall short of the glory of God and are undeserving of his grace. BUT, his grace is given and we are as pure once again because of the blood that he shed. I want to caution you though. I have seen TOO many times that strong Christians repent of their sins and then forget about it. Feeling that it is no longer a struggle and they can go on with their loives almost have never doing it in the first place. I do not know the biblical evidence of why this is not the right way to go about repentance, but I do know that if you forget about the guilt and ill feeling of sin....you are more likely to sin in the future.

I want a wife, kids and be able to teach my kids the same Christian values that my dad has taught me. I want them t look at me when they have families of their own and just say "Thank you for being the example that I need". Notice that I did not say GOOD example. Just example. Because sometimes you learn best from someone that did it before you and can show the consequences of the actions without you ever committing the sin. This is a gift that our parents and older, mature friends can show us.

So I start my new journey, a journey that already has an ending and I can not wait to fil the pages with great decisions that are made and the lessons that are taught from the not so great decisions. I am a lucky man to have a Savior that no matter what, has his arms wide open for me to fall into.

Glory be to God. Amen.

Twelve Ordinary Men

This question was proposed to me very recently and pretty much every job interview I have ever been in. The answer that I have found myself giving lately has been unorthodox, yet true to myself, others and most importantly to my savior, Christ. When Jesus was walking around, teaching, he called upon twelve ordinary people, sinners, to follow him and represent him in places where he could not be physically. These twelve men were not anyone of any importance, they were mot church leaders or kings of different countries. They were not the smartest, most athletic, best looking. However, they did all have something in common...they were sinners that needed a savior, and they knew it. This is something that I have seen our church lacks. I am talking about the general church of Christ, the one that man has divided and made it more about human suffering, then worshiping to the one that gives us that salvation from that suffering.

Ok so I got kinda off topic. But, what I am saying is that God has called all of us to be disciples to all nations, and yes this includes our own. God represented all types of sinners in the ones he took company with while he was teaching for the last years of his life. He knew the hearts of these men and all he had to say was "Follow me." They did this without hesitation or thinking about it, while weighing the options. When was the last time you said, "Yes. I will follow you." without hesitation. For me, it has been a long time. I always try nd minimize God in my time. Try and figure out how to accomplish His plan and mine at the same time. DO WE NOT GET IT! You can not have two masters. You can not try and accomplish two plans of any sort. There is only one way to go about this, true 100% devotion and sacrifice to Christ. This means giving EVERYTHING to Him. Not just your 10% that you think are required at church. (I am not saying tithing is good....do it...but it is so much more than that)

These 12 ordinary men gave their lives to a man that said "Follow me." Christ gave no pamphlet on what will be accomplished. No permission slip to get signed. No time table when they will be back. These men had to know that they were leaving for the rest of their lives, most likely ending in a very painful death. Yet they did it without hesitation. Why do you ask? They did it because they knew that this man standing in front of them was the one way to heaven, the perfect sacrifice that will one day die for their sins, while being perfect himself. Am I the only one that finds this too amazing to put into words? I never knew how much these men did. Most importantly they did not do it for press coverage, because they will be famous, or so tat they will feel good about themselves. They literally gave their lives up because Christ asked them to. PERIOD. Once again I ask, when was the last time you did this?

I try to wake up each day with out a worry. I try to live my life with minimal stress. I find that there is zero reason to worry. zero reason to stress, especially when we have no control. Someone once asked me why I never cared about anything. Just because I do not stress out about things in my life doesn't mean I do not care. It is actually just the opposite, I care about it so much, I give it to Christ to take care of. Just like everything else in my life. I have proven I am unworthy to take care of my life. We all have and have proven it. It is called sin. That is why we have devoted our life to Christ. So he can make the decisions that we obviously have no place making.

I leave you tonight with one final thought/ challenge. Pick something in your life and just let go. Give it to Christ fully and 100% let go. Just like the twelve ordinary men did so very long ago. Like I have said in past posts, test first and lesson later.

F.E.A.R: Focused on Eternity And Regret

The title of this blog is something, honestly, I just made up. The scary part is that it didn't take long. I have been living my life in F.E.A.R. Well not the typical fear, such as fear of dying, heights, snakes, commitment, etc. I live in this different type. In which I focus on what is coming up, and what I already regret. This is going to change, something needs to change.

I need the people in my life to know who I really am. Unfortunately the person that knew me best chose not to be in my life at the time being. This I can and am handling. However, other than my family, a lot of people do not know me., I need you to know that I rarely do things on accident. I think throughly through my decisions and if it seems that I am impulsive, its because I have thought about it ahead of time and already made my decision if it ever came up. So stop with patronizing me and talking to me like I do not know how to live my life. I am a man of God, dedicated to only he who sacrificed for me. Also, when i say I rarely do things on accident, I mean everything I write about, say, do, think, believe, even the songs that you are listening to right now on my blog is for a reason. Each has had a considerable impact on my life. Whether it is what the artist is singing about, a memory I have while listening to it, or what I feel when I hear it. They all mean something to me, and if you just took a second and listened, you will know me. I am an artist. I love expressing myself through the music of others and the writing of myself. I talk. People know this. I will never apologize for defending my views, how I come across, and if someone decides the do not like me because of a shallow belief, then fine. Do I really want that kind of negativity in my life.

Its a change. Its a new decade. It is a new me. I am finally on my own. Living it up in Newport Beach, at a job I love. The physical things that people can see and recognize have changed. However, the most important things, such as my faith, character and overall confidence, the things people cannot see, has changed as well. If you have known me for a week or 23 years, I am a new person. Time to start over.

I have been recently inspired by someone to write more about who I am on this blog and what I truly feel about the world around us. The is what the blog is supposed to be, this is why i titled it "Life According to me". I actually feel sorry for those who doubt my ability. Those who think I can't be that person they need or become the man I know I will. It is those people that have lost out, not me. Christ reminds me of this in almost every teaching and parable written. He was doubted more and treated worse than I was. He rose above it in such a way, some of those who doubted him turned to admire him.

I am meeting new people, turning over a new leaf. So whatever you are listening to on my blog right now., Whether it be "Swing Life Away", "I am Not Who I Was", "Strong Tower", "Dancin in the Moonlight", "Fireflies", "Broken", "I'm Yours" or "Everything", they all describe my life in one way or another. That is why they are on this blog. Take note. There is no longer a need to ask if I am alright. I have Christ, how much better can I be.

In Christ

Test first, lesson later

So I have always been taught by my dad that you will recieve "The test first and the lesson later". This has always been what keeps me thinking straight ahead and walking forward. To know that the hard stuff comes first and then comes the reasons why and how to deal with it. It is an interesting thought. We have always been taught, in school, that we learn a lesson and then tested on that lesson. However this is, I believe, how God works. God has graced us, as his children, with something amazing, free will.

See here is the thing. God EXPECTS us to mess up. This is what makes us human. We are not Christ, who was undoubtedly perfect. We are followers of Him, and although striving to be like Him, we falter. This is the reason why we have been forgiven and the reason why Christ had to suffer and die on the cross. This took me a long time to figure out. After screwing up repeatedly in high school and college, I almost never forgave myself. Never wanted to look at myself in the mirror and was ashamed of who I was, because that is not how I was raised. However, it took much soul searching to learn that it was completely selfish to not forgive myself....let me explain.

Christ died for us, and forgave me of my sins as soon as I repent, which I did. Who am I to know better on who to forgive than Christ? If God, the ruler of everything, sees fit to forgive me, then I find myself being defiant of Him if i do not in turn forgive myself. This brings me to the ultimate point of this blog. I was presented with a test, well multiple tests. I failed them, miserably and with severe consequences, although it could have been much worse. And through all of that, I came out a better man. I came out with the knowledge to teach others about what I have learned so they would not make the same mistakes that I once made. I took this knowledge with me to England, presented it in front of thousands of elementary, Jr. high and high school students. And through this may have even reached some of them. All I can do as a disciple of Christ is plant the seed, God will water it later on.

I am not afraid of dying. This may shock some of you, but it should never be a fear if someone truly finds grace with Christ. If God would like me to die, and if that furthers his kingdom, I am ready. I am ready to do WHATEVER he commands and willing to have whatever the consequences. This is, however, also the problem. It is not always easy to see or hear what God has in store for us. So we wait, patiently, and strive to be that Christ -like figure, even though it is never to be accomplished.

I recently got a tattoo, something I have wanted for a long time and spent a long time making sure what I got was exactly the right thing to get. I ended up getting the christian fish, representing Christ, and having two words in Hebrew below it. The two words say "Lord. Savior." Although these are just two of the many words we call God, these two means the most to me. "Lord" is for me remembering that he is my master. That I gave my life to serving Him in everything I do and I will never forget that. And "Savior" is to remember what he did o the cross at Calgary. He gave his life to save me, and I am forgiven because of that sacrifice. Whatever I do I am already forgiven. There is no better news than this.

So I give you a sort of challenge. Its an easy one and something we can all do. Forgive yourself. There is something in everyones life that we are ashamed, I know this because we are all sinners. So, privately or publicly, forgive yourself. Spend your time with God and find that peace in your life. I guarantee, if you are a follower of Christ, he has already forgiven you.