Jeremiah 29:11

Written Monday, March 9th, 2009

Nick told me to write down things if I feel more comfortable with it....this is my prayer.

There has been a phrase that has been thrown around for a couple months now by both Christians and non-believers. I have heard people talk about their "calling" and what they want to do with it. I have always wondered what the word actually meant and what I should be looking for. I have looked it up in dictionaries and still haven’t found the answer that I need. Last night it kept me up for a while, and thought that putting it down on paper and gaining some insight from some other people I love, trust and respect may give me the correct direction to go on. Let me go back a bit. A couple of weeks ago I decided to leave a youth ministry I was a part of for a little while and pursue something I felt very strongly about. I told the youth pastor, who is also a strong friend, and he wished me the best and said he would continue to pray for me. I spent the night not at my usual youth group but at a place where I found more love in one room then I have ever seen before.

High Rollers is a special ministry that is not easily ignored. I found myself doing something that, although I have been told differently, I do not normally do, jumping with both feet without testing the waters. I had the time of my life that night and could not wait until the next week where I could relive it all again. The next day I received a couple of messages from my old youth group saying they missed me and wished me luck. One kid said something that kind of struck me differently; he said "I am glad you found your calling". My calling? Is that what I have found? Jeremiah 29:11 has always been my favorite verse for a couple of reasons. One, it reminds me I can not do anything alone. And two, I have to let go of my life and let God take over. I believe this is one of those times. At High Rollers I find myself in an uncomfortable yet extremely loved situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The more I go the more comfortable I become. I found myself surrounded by leaders that do not ask questions, but will be there for anyone that needs them. Christians I am beginning to trust more than friends I have known for a lifetime.

These types of friendships are not easily found and rarely found in one place. (For that I thank all of you) I also found myself surrounded by the most loving people, with nothing but joy to show. The High Roller students are amazing and I look forward to each time I get to see them. They have taught me so much. This past weekend I was able to attend a retreat for the Young Life Leaders. A weekend that has changed my perspective of pretty much everything. Nick has shown me that you can take you uncomfortable feeling and turn it into energy when you should have none. He showed me that it was ok to be frustrated, but to remember that whenever you "turn" a child in his bed, you are God as well. I look forward to the sleepless nights. :) I come to the realization that I have had multiple opportunities to hang out with students with disabilities. Whether it was a family friend I have known my entire life or volunteering at a special education class. Each time I have always found a way to schedule something instead and get out of it. I let my uncomfortable feelings get the better of me.

It was not until I visited Health Bridge Children's Hospital and met an unforgettable sixteen year old named Wyatt. His strength and courage dwarfed mine in every way and although he was mostly paralyzed, he beat me in every video game he had. After that visit I decided to volunteer at High Rollers, and have been blessed with so many things since. The people I have tagged in this note, and some I haven’t because we are not Facebook friends yet, I have the up most respect and love. When sometimes it doesn’t seem like I do, I am truly sorry. Your unselfishness and willingness to sacrifice in order for His kingdom to advance, is unparalleled. My admiration for what you do, not only on Wednesdays, but every day of the week can not be explained in words and this past weekend did nothing but confirm that. I look forward to the days I get to know my fellow leaders more.

So I am at the end of this note, for the third time, and it still doesn’t seem like I have said enough. But the question remains is there such a thing as enough said for the work God is doing in your life. Wednesday nights are truly the best part of my week and even though its for an hour and a half, I always leave wanting more. I am not 100% sure of where I wanted to go with this note and the response I am looking for. I couldn’t sleep last night wondering about it and I decided to write it down, on Nick Palermo's advice. So here it is, my prayer for what God has in store for my life and my patience on accepting it. Amen